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'Telecommuting' refers to workers doing their jobs from home for part of each week and communicating with their office using computer technology. Telecommuting is growing in many countries and is expected to be common for most office workers in the coming decades. How do you think society will be affected by the growth of telecommuting? v.1

'Telecommuting' refers to workers doing their jobs from home for part of each week and communicating with their office using computer technology. Telecommuting is growing in many countries and is expected to be common for most office workers in the coming decades. How do you think society will be affected by the growth of telecommuting? v. 1
It is true that telecommuting has revolutionised our life on many ways. In my opinion, I believe that telecommuting has both positive and negative effects on our society. On the one hand, telecommuting has many benefits on our planet generally and our social life specifically. Firstly, telecommuting could reduce pressure on earth resources. Telecommuting commuters tend to travel less to their workplaces. As a result, this could decrease pressure on urban infrastructures like roads and public transportation services and ultimately could save natural fossil resources and decrease pollution. Secondly, working from home could modify our family relationships. People spend more time with their families and this increase family tidiness and stability. For instance, some social workers link telecommuting with decrease divorce rates in many western countries. It is a very effective way to enhance the performance of the employees and thus producing increased output for a company. This reduces the costs and ensures better profitability. One of the main objectives of technological advancement is the faster and more tasks done per hour. Telecommuting ensures this very perfectly. On the other hand, telecommuting could have some negative impacts. One problem is that working from home could result in many health problems. Telecommuting forces people to move less and do more desk jobs. This sedentary lifestyle could lead to many health problems like obesity. Another drawback of telecommuting is that it may affect our social life negatively. Working from home without exposure to real work life could reduce people interaction skills and could ultimately lead to social isolation. In conclusion, it seems to me that the potential dangers of telecommuting on our health and social life are more significant than the possible benefits.
It is true that telecommuting has
Possible spelling mistake. 'revolutionised' is British English.
revolutionised
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways. In my opinion, I believe that telecommuting has both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on our society.

On the one hand, telecommuting has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits on our planet
generally
and our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
specifically
.
Firstly
, telecommuting could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
pressure on earth resources. Telecommuting commuters tend to travel less to their workplaces.
As a result
, this could decrease pressure on urban infrastructures like roads and public transportation services and
ultimately
could save natural fossil resources and decrease pollution.
Secondly
, working from home could modify our family relationships.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
spend more time with their families and this increase family tidiness and stability.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
workers link telecommuting with decrease divorce rates in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
western countries. It is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
effective way to enhance the performance of the employees and
thus
producing increased output for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the costs and ensures better profitability. One of the main objectives of technological advancement is the faster and more tasks done per hour. Telecommuting ensures this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
perfectly
.

On the other hand
, telecommuting could have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts. One problem is that working from home could result in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health problems. Telecommuting forces
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
less and do more desk jobs. This sedentary lifestyle could lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health problems like obesity. Another drawback of telecommuting is that it may affect our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
negatively
. Working from home without exposure to real work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
interaction
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and could
ultimately
lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
isolation.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that the potential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of telecommuting on our health and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
are more significant than the possible benefits.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay 'Telecommuting' refers to workers doing their jobs from home for part of each week and communicating with their office using computer technology. Telecommuting is growing in many countries and is expected to be common for most office workers in the coming decades. How do you think society will be affected by the growth of telecommuting? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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