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'Telecommuting' refers to workers doing their jobs from home for part of each week and communicating with their office using computer technology. Telecommuting is growing in many countries and is expected to be common for most office workers in the coming decades. How do you think society will be affected by the growth of telecommuting? v.3

'Telecommuting' refers to workers doing their jobs from home for part of each week and communicating with their office using computer technology. Telecommuting is growing in many countries and is expected to be common for most office workers in the coming decades. How do you think society will be affected by the growth of telecommuting? v. 3
Today, thanks to new technology in the cyber-space, some office employees are allowed to work from home. This system has led many companies to gain more benefits, and I think this method will become more popular in the future due to the introduction of more developed web systems and facing more transport problems. To begin with, in some companies, office staffs are permitted to work from home via telecommuting, which has been beneficial to both employers and employees. One advantage is that owners can save more money. Clearly, considering a specific room for two or more employees, expenditures can become higher than working from home because rental and utility bills can be decreased far considerably. For example, a computer software engineer can finish and send his project through the web at the end of the month; therefore, he can do his tasks from home, and lesser funds will be spent for him totally. Another benefit is that people can save their time. Obviously, travelling several hours a day, many employees have to spend their valuable time on traffic jams, while it is not necessary they commute between their home and workplace as they work from home. As a prime example, my brother, who is an electronic engineer, had to spend almost two hours daily between his home and workplace; however, as his employers accepted he to do his duty from home, he has saved more than ten hours a week, and his performance has improved fundamentally. As a result, not only this method can be more economical, but less time-consuming. Besides, I believe that telecommuting will become a more common system in the future. One reason behind it is that individuals will have a better access to a faster Internet. Undoubtedly, the Internet is an essential factor that assists employees to achieve their duties, so as the speed of Internet develops, huge works will be accomplished far easily from home, leading home jobs to become a commoner type of working. Furthermore, increasing traffic load, especially in sprawling cities, will encourage employers to give green light to this type of working. In conclusion, home jobs have had many important advantages to businesses and workers, not only in the matter of their expenses but time. From my point of view, advancement in the technology of Internet and aggravation of traffic problems will cause more employees to use this system of the job.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, thanks to new technology in the cyber-space,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
has led
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to gain more benefits, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this method will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more popular in the future due to the introduction of more developed web
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
and facing more transport problems.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, office staffs
are permitted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home via telecommuting, which has been beneficial to both employers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
. One advantage is that owners can save more money.
Clearly
, considering a specific room for two or more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
, expenditures can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
higher than working from home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
rental and utility bills can
be decreased
far
considerably
.
For example
, a computer software engineer can finish and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
his project through the web at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the month;
therefore
, he can do his tasks from home, and lesser funds will
be spent
for him
totally
.

Another benefit is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can save their time.
Obviously
, travelling several hours a day,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend their valuable time on traffic jams, while it is not necessary they commute between their home and workplace as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home. As a prime example, my brother, who is an electronic engineer, had to spend almost two hours daily between his home and workplace;
however
, as his employers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
he to do his duty from home, he has saved more than ten hours a week, and his performance has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
fundamentally
.
As a result
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this method can be more economical,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
less time-consuming.

Besides
, I believe that telecommuting will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a more common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
in the future. One reason behind it is that individuals will have a better access to a faster Internet.
Undoubtedly
, the Internet is an essential factor that assists
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to achieve their duties,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
as the speed of Internet develops, huge works will
be accomplished
far
easily
from home, leading home jobs to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a commoner type of working.
Furthermore
, increasing traffic load,
especially
in sprawling cities, will encourage employers to give green light to this type of working.

In conclusion
, home jobs have had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
advantages to businesses and workers, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in the matter of their expenses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
time. From my point of view, advancement in the technology of Internet and aggravation of traffic problems will cause more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
of the job.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay 'Telecommuting' refers to workers doing their jobs from home for part of each week and communicating with their office using computer technology. Telecommuting is growing in many countries and is expected to be common for most office workers in the coming decades. How do you think society will be affected by the growth of telecommuting? v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
400 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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