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It is generally acknowledged that families are now not as close as they used to be. v.3

It is generally acknowledged that families are now not as close as they used to be. v. 3
In the past, people mostly preferred to stay in the extended families. Today, it is observed that many individuals have their own nuclear families. In this essay, we will discuss how professional commitments forced people for opting this kind of families. To tackle this, an organisation’s role will be analysed. To begin with, individuals focus towards their career development to a greater extent. A good illustration for this is the group of professionals who spend most of their time in their companies. As a result, they do not have much time for themselves and hence, prefer staying in small families with less contact with other members. Thus, it is obvious that they are not much involved with other family members leading to the lack of closeness with them. To overcome this, companies can play a crucial role. The first step which a firm can take is to provide the work from home access to the employees. By doing this, they will allow their staff to spend more time with their families. The other steps which can be taken include declaring holidays on all festivals and organising family day in a company. This will allow them to spend more periods with their families and hence, can help them to recuperate their relationships. From the above, it is clear that hectic work schedule act as a major hindrance for creating close bonds with family. Therefore, the companies should allow remote work, increase holidays and announce family days at workplaces for enforcing individuals to concentrate towards their relationships.
In the past,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
mostly
preferred to stay in the extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, it
is observed
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. In this essay, we will discuss how professional commitments forced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
for opting this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. To tackle this, an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
’s role will be
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysed' is British English.
analysed
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, individuals focus towards their career development to a greater extent. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration for this is the group of professionals who spend most of their time in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
.
As a result
, they do not have much time for themselves and
hence
, prefer staying in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
with less contact with other members.
Thus
, it is obvious that they are not much involved with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members leading to the lack of closeness with them.

To overcome this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
can play a crucial role. The
first
step which a firm can take is to provide the work from home access to the employees. By doing this, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their staff to spend more time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. The other steps which can
be taken
include declaring holidays on all festivals and
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
day in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to spend more periods with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and
hence
, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to recuperate their relationships.

From the above, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that hectic work schedule act as a major hindrance for creating close bonds with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
remote work, increase holidays and announce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
days at workplaces for enforcing individuals to concentrate towards their relationships.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay It is generally acknowledged that families are now not as close as they used to be. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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