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Teenagers face a lot of difficulties at home and at school. What are the causes for this? How Can parents provide solutions? v.2

Teenagers face a lot of difficulties at home and at school. What are the causes for this? How Can parents provide solutions? v. 2
It is well-known a fact that facing problems are a major part in human's life. Many youngsters come to deal many difficulties at their house as well as at school. There are many circumstances behind this phenomenon. Parents can tackle the problems of their children. In the below paragraphs, I would like to discuss the quandaries and certain solutions. To commence with, teenagers are facing many problems in schools and homes. First of all, children want to see as adults with other people who around them. They see, he or she is not small children. Now, they can able to cure themselves. But, their parents do not want observe the mistakes of children. Secondly, making new friends is a major dilemma. For example, children have not capabilities, making new friends as well as community with others. He or she does not know others behaviour. On the flip side, parents and teachers help to children update their problems. First solution is that, they should provide an academic classes in order to modify their quandary. As well as, they should encourage to their toddlers for joining the meeting, which impact good on them. For example, in my area of parents try to offer new items, which come on the spot market. With this, their children can not get many problems. To conclude, although many offerings are facing many bothers at the present era, it is not only the responsibility of their parents, but also teachers. Because, they both encourage equally to children for solving the problems.
It is well-known a fact that facing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
are a major part in human's life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to deal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
difficulties at their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
as well
as at school. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
circumstances behind this phenomenon.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
can tackle the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In the below paragraphs, I would like to discuss the quandaries and certain solutions.

To commence with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are facing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in schools and homes.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
as adults with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who around them. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, he or she is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, they
Please check whether one of these words is redundant.
can able to
cure themselves.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not
Probably a preposition is missing after 'want'.
want observe
the mistakes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Secondly
, making new friends is a major dilemma.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have not capabilities, making new friends
as well
as community with others. He or she does not know others
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.

On the flip side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
update their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
First
solution is that, they should provide an academic classes in order to modify their quandary.
As well
as, they should encourage to their toddlers for joining the meeting, which impact
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
on them.
For example
, in my area of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
try to offer new items, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
on the spot market. With this, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems.

To conclude
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
offerings are facing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
bothers at the present era, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the responsibility of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
teachers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, they both encourage
equally
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for solving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Teenagers face a lot of difficulties at home and at school. What are the causes for this? How Can parents provide solutions? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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