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Is it batter for young to get advice from older people than young people? Do you Agree or Disagree? v.1

Is it batter for young to get advice from older people than young people? v. 1
First, to start with, it is important for young people to get advice from aged people rather than adults. Young doesn’t have the knowledge and experience compared to older. I Agree with this Idea that young people do not understand people and their decisions easily. So they need someone experienced and knowledgeable to guide. This essay will further discuss that why it is valued and crucial to take guidance from elderly people. In addition, we all know elderly people are helpful and have the expertise of their whole Journey and experiences. They know what is good and bad, how to tackle problems. Young can learn a lot from them. It becomes easy to understand life decision when you know about things before and be prepared for it. In many aspects old people help us and guide in life, whether it is choosing a school or taking some important decision of career. On the other hand, taking help from young or advice can lead a person to difficult situations because they never experienced things in life. Also, knowledge you can move towards the wrong direction in life. In conclusion, Older people have better experience in certain sectors and they are successful young people can learn a lot from them. On the other hand young adults are good at technologies and excel in it where older people learn from them. So it becomes a vice versa, At the end, we should always take advice from experience holder for better results and outcome so we have less wrong decision in life
First
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
advice from aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rather
than adults.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
doesn’t have the knowledge and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
compared to older. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not understand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
easily
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they need someone experienced and knowledgeable to guide. This essay will
further
discuss that why it
is valued
and crucial to take guidance from elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In addition
, we all know elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are helpful and have the expertise of their whole Journey and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
. They know what is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
, how to tackle problems.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
can learn a lot from them. It becomes easy to understand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
when you know about things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
and
be prepared
for it. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us and guide in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, whether it is choosing a school or taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
of career.
On the other hand
, taking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
or advice can lead a person to difficult situations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they never experienced things in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Also
, knowledge you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
towards the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
direction in life.

In conclusion
, Older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
in certain
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
sectors and
they are successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can learn a lot from them.
On the other hand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at technologies and excel in it where older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
learn from them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it becomes a vice versa, At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, we should always take advice from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
holder for better results and outcome
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we have less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
in
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
life
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Is it batter for young to get advice from older people than young people? v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
257 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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