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Nowadays parents too much pressure on their children to succeed. What is the reason for doing this? Is this negative or a positive development? v.2

In today’s contemporary world, a large number of parents are forcing their children to be successful academically. There are various reasons for that, but the most striking one is that the families want their kids to have a well-paid job, so they can live a comfortable life. The manner of families has a detrimental impact on kid’s mental health. To begin with, it is obvious that rivalry plays an undeniable role in all parts of life around the world. A lot of parents are aware of the fact that their children should be more successful than other children at school. Furthermore, a student with qualified training is likely to find a good job and maintain a life of well-being. For instance, as far as the professions are concerned, an engineer earns more money than a public servant. On the other hand, the pressure exerted by the parent on success leads to a variety of problems in the children’s lives. Moreover, children are expected to achieve their parents’ goals which they did not achieve. As a result, kids will encounter many responsibilities associated with these ambitions and they certainly feel under pressure. Apparently, people who are not working in the work they like are likely to be dissatisfied with their work. It is inevitable that individuals develop depression and anxiety. In conclusion, many families believe that their kids must be successful and outstanding in their lives. Owing a good economic condition is regarded by families as the most important factor However, parental wishes negatively impact the psychological situation of children.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s contemporary world,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use “many” or “numerous”
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are forcing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be successful
academically
. There are various reasons for that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the most striking one is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
want their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to have a well-paid job,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a comfortable life. The manner of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
has a detrimental impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid’s
mental health.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is obvious that rivalry plays an undeniable role in all parts of life around the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are aware of the fact that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be more successful than other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at school.
Furthermore
, a student with qualified training is likely to find a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job and maintain a life of well-being.
For instance
, as far as the professions
are concerned
, an engineer earns more money than a public servant.

On the other hand
, the pressure exerted by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
on success leads to a variety of problems in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to achieve their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
goals which they did not achieve.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
will encounter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
responsibilities associated with these
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
ambitions and
they
certainly
feel under pressure.
Apparently
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are not working in the work they like are likely to
be dissatisfied
with their work. It is inevitable that individuals develop depression and anxiety.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
believe that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be successful and outstanding in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Owing a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
economic condition
is regarded
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
as the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor
However
, parental wishes
negatively
impact the psychological situation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. What is the reason for doing this? Is this a negative or positive development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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