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Some people argue that space exploration has had more to do with national pride than international effort. To what extent do you agree with this? How do you think space exploration will change in the future? v.1

Some people argue that space exploration has had more to do with national pride than international effort. How do you think space exploration will change in the future? v. 1
Nowadays the role of space exploration in the world is widely debated, with some people claiming that it has had less to do with international effort than national pride. However, I do not accept this reason, to a certain degree since recent efforts involved space exploitation have been gradually evolved and not limited within basic meanings, and this essay will discuss the alteration of space exploration in the future. Firstly, back to the 1960s space expedition was used to show the greatness of the country. The brightest example of this is the space race between the United States of America and the USSR. It all started after world war 2 when the Soviet Union declared in the USA that when the Soviet Union responded to the US announcement four days earlier of intent to launch artificial satellites for the International Geophysical Year, by declaring they would also launch a satellite soon. The race continued until when the US has succeeded to send Neil Armstrong to the moon. Secondly, powerful countries tend to show their power to the other nations, because they will obtain more respect and benefit from that. Nevertheless, today exists a lot of international space programs that have common aims. For instance, the International Space Station is a joint project between five participating space agencies. Furthermore, each agencies from different countries cooperate. For example, the agency of Russia provides food for every person in ISS, Japan gives technology, etc. As seen, this search needs enormous funding, so that if a nation only obsesses about their pride in this exploration will fail. Having said that, there are still some projects like the idea of colonizing Mars. Even if the United States alone are fully capable of going to Mars, it has no reason to make that venture an isolated effort. The United States must be open enough to work with other nations not only for even higher efficiency, but also for a share of excitement and benefits with everyone on the earth. In the future, I think travel to outside Earth will be common for ordinary people who do not have basic as a cosmonaut. Next-generation, the situation in our Earth will be changing and there is new information about move half of the people on Earth to live on Mars. To sum up, the nations of the world must move toward global unification, and the cooperation in space will be an ideal approach since there exists no national border. Then, it will be easier to investigate space.
Nowadays the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
exploration in the world is
widely
debated, with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claiming that it has had less to do with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
effort than national pride.
However
, I do not accept this reason, to a certain degree since recent efforts involved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
exploitation have been
gradually
evolved and not limited within basic meanings, and this essay will discuss the alteration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
exploration in the future.

Firstly
, back to the 1960s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
expedition was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the greatness of the country. The brightest example of this is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
race between the United States of America and the USSR. It all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
after
Capitalize specific historic events, episodes, and eras.
world war 2
when the Soviet Union declared in the USA that when the Soviet Union responded to the US announcement four days earlier of intent to launch artificial satellites for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
International
Geophysical Year, by declaring they would
also
launch a satellite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
. The race continued until when the US has succeeded to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
Neil Armstrong to the moon.
Secondly
, powerful countries tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their power to the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will obtain more respect and benefit from that.

Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
exists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
programs that have common aims.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Space
Station is a joint project between five participating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
agencies.
Furthermore
, each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "agency"?
agencies
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries cooperate.
For example
, the agency of Russia provides food for every person in ISS, Japan gives technology, etc. As
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
, this search needs enormous funding,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
obsesses about their pride in this exploration will fail.

Having said that, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
projects like the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of colonizing Mars. Even if the United States alone are
fully
capable of going to Mars, it has no reason to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
that venture an isolated effort. The United States
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be open
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to work with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for even higher efficiency,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for a share of excitement and benefits with everyone on the earth.

In the future, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
travel to outside Earth will be common for ordinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who do not have basic as a cosmonaut.
Next
-generation, the situation in our Earth will be changing and there is new information about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
half of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
on Earth to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on Mars.

To sum up, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
of the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
toward global unification, and the cooperation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
will be an ideal approach since there exists no national border. Then, it will be easier to investigate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people argue that space exploration has had more to do with national pride than international effort. How do you think space exploration will change in the future? v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
419 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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