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Some people believe that high school shall teach academic subjects like physics and math, others believe it shall teach applied subjects like bakery. Discuss both view and give your opinion v.1

Some people believe that high school shall teach academic subjects like physics and math, others believe it shall teach applied subjects like bakery. 1
Each student is a unique individual in the university. Some students are born with special gifts; others may be less lucky and tend to be naughty at school. Therefore, some people advocate that naughty students should be taught in different classes. I agree with their suggestion. This essay will present my reasons for this view. To begin with, separating naughty students in different classes will enhance better education outcome for all students. Hyperactive and insubordinate students will draw teachers' attention in classes and distract other students' concentration as well. If teachers spent too much time in correcting their disobedience,   the quality and quantity of teaching will be diminished.  This is unfair to good students who are eager to learn. Moreover, naughty students may become negative role models to ordinary students. In addition, placing naughty students in different classes in charge by more experienced teachers will help to guide them to pursue their studies in school. Furthermore, it is easy for teachers to approach them by using special teaching strategies rather than traditional ones. For example, teachers will be able to pay more attention to teaching them polite behaviour and good attitude.   Teaching naughty students separately doesn't convey a message that they are ignored rather than that they are in good care of their teachers. In conclusion, to teaching naughty students is a challenge for many teachers. Therefore, teaching them in different classes and teaching them with different methods will result in better education outcome. This will help them to prepare for their future academic study and careers.
Each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
is a unique individual in the university.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are born
with special gifts; others may be less lucky and tend to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
naughty
at school.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
advocate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
naughty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be taught
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with their suggestion. This essay will present my reasons for this view.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, separating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
naughty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
will enhance better education outcome for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Hyperactive and insubordinate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will draw teachers' attention in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
and distract other students' concentration
as well
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
spent too much time in correcting their disobedience,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
  
the quality and quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
will
be diminished
.  This is unfair to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who are eager to learn.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
naughty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may become 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
role models to ordinary students.

In addition
, placing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
naughty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
in charge by more experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to guide them to pursue their studies in school.
Furthermore
, it is easy for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
to approach them by using special teaching strategies
rather
than traditional ones.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
will be able to pay more attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
them polite
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
attitude.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
  
Teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
naughty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
separately
doesn't convey a message that they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
rather
than that they are in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
care of their teachers.

In conclusion
, to teaching naughty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is a challenge for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
them in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
them with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
methods will result in better education outcome. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to prepare for their future academic study and careers.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Some people believe that high school shall teach academic subjects like physics and math, others believe it shall teach applied subjects like bakery. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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