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Technology up-gradation brought enormous changes in life, consequently life style and conventional skills have also been impacted significantly. I shall explain the why this has happened in essay. v.1

Technology up-gradation brought enormous changes in life, consequently life style and conventional skills have also been impacted significantly. I shall explain the why this has happened in essay. v. 1
It is argued by many people that providing exercise facilities during work hours is an important task for every company. In my opinion, sedentary activities during the office working hour can be harmful to the worker's health condition and eventually can negatively affect profitability. Hence, doing regular exercise can increase productivity for the whole company. This essay will discuss some contributor reasons behind it. First of all, it should be said that there are numerous advantages to doing sports and physical activities. From physical benefits such as a reduction in heart diseases and better coordination in body organs, to mental and emotional benefits, like boosting self-esteem and reducing stress, all of them can be earned as a result of just a few minute activities per day. Especially between the office- hours, having15 minutes break to stretching and working out can lead to better performance and productivity of employees. For instance, having a relaxed mind can result in better decision making and problem solving and accordingly enhancing production and profitability of a particular business will occur. Furthermore, exercise has a direct positive effect on mental condition and happiness. Therefore, companies which have happier and more satisfied staff can entice more customers and investors. , So attracting more potential customers can be one other advantage. In conclusion, being active and energetic during working hour, can accelerate the company's profitability and worker's usefulness. Thus, considering workout activities during the office hour by companies, not only is not a waste of time, but also can lead to more efficiency for both employer and employee.
It
is argued
by
many
people
that providing exercise facilities during work
hours
is an
important
task for every
company
. In my opinion, sedentary
activities
during the office working
hour
can be harmful to the worker's health condition and
eventually
can
negatively
affect profitability.
Hence
, doing regular exercise can increase productivity for the whole
company
. This essay will discuss
some
contributor reasons behind it.

First of all
, it should
be said
that there are numerous advantages to doing sports and physical
activities
. From physical benefits such as a reduction in heart diseases and better coordination in body organs, to mental and emotional benefits, like boosting self-esteem and reducing
stress
, all of them can
be earned
as a result
of
just
a few minute
activities
per day.
Especially
between the office-
hours
, having15 minutes break to stretching and working out can lead to better performance and productivity of employees.
For instance
, having a relaxed mind can result in better
decision making
and problem solving and
accordingly
enhancing production and profitability of a particular business will occur.

Furthermore
, exercise has a direct
positive
effect on mental condition and happiness.
Therefore
,
companies
which have happier and more satisfied staff can entice more customers and investors.
,
So
attracting more potential customers can be one other advantage.

In conclusion
, being active and energetic during working
hour
, can accelerate the
company
's profitability and worker's usefulness.
Thus
, considering workout
activities
during the office
hour
by
companies
, not
only
is not a waste of time,
but
also
can lead to more efficiency for both employer and employee.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Technology up-gradation brought enormous changes in life, consequently life style and conventional skills have also been impacted significantly. I shall explain the why this has happened in essay. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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