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An unknown person took you to hospital after your incident. He looked after you till your parents arrived. Write a letter to express your thanks v.1

An unknown person took you to hospital after your incident. He looked after you till your parents arrived. Write a letter to express your thanks v. 1
In the present days, people spend most part of their lives in the workplace. Some of them believe that work should have a pleasant environment and when facing bad situations, it is best to try and improve the scenario. However, some people argue that is best to accept the bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money, in order to keep their jobs. The two vision points will be discussed below to present reasons behind those beliefs. Currently, there are many discussions about how to create a good workplace environment. Despite that, employees are still facing issues, which many times they rather ignore and feel unsatisfied than act to modify the situation. I am strongly against this behaviour because several researches have shown that being unhappy in the workplace can impact employees’ health, causing an increase of stress, anxiety and in some cases depression. The common reason for employees to accept distressing situations is fear of unemployment. Afraid of getting fired workers would rather settle in front of difficult scenarios but stand up against. On the other hand, there are many people who defend that all companies should invest in programs to encourage a good workplace conditions, for example, creating policy and procedures to deal with conflicts between staffs, workshops to spire teamwork and programs to reward good attitudes. To summarise, when employees experience poorly work environment for a long period of time, consequences like loss of health, conflicts and in some cases, resignations have a high probability to occur. These impacts are negative also to companies which could be losing high quality professionals and so profit. Therefore, looking for a positive way to solve and improve the problems are better for employees and organizations.
In the present days,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
spend most part of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workplace
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them believe that work should have a pleasant environment and when facing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
, it is best to
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the scenario.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue
that is
best to accept the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their jobs. The two vision points will
be discussed
below to present reasons behind those beliefs.

Currently
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
discussions about how to create a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workplace
environment. Despite that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are
still
facing issues, which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times they
rather
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
and feel unsatisfied than act to modify the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
. I am
strongly
against this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
several researches have shown that being unhappy in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workplace
can impact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees’
health, causing an increase of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, anxiety and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "cases'" or "case's"?
cases
depression.

The common reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to accept distressing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
is fear of unemployment. Afraid of getting fired workers would
rather
settle in front of difficult scenarios
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
stand up against.
On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who defend that all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should invest in programs to encourage a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workplace
conditions,
for example
, creating policy and procedures to deal with conflicts between staffs, workshops to spire teamwork and programs to reward
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
attitudes.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
experience
poorly
work environment for a long period of time,
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "like". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences like
loss of health, conflicts and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, resignations have a high probability to occur. These impacts are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
also
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
which could be losing high quality professionals and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
profit.
Therefore
, looking for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way to solve and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the problems are better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
and organizations.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay An unknown person took you to hospital after your incident. He looked after you till your parents arrived. Write a letter to express your thanks v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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