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Technology today such as mobile phones is destroying interactions? do you agree or disagree? v.1

Technology today such as mobile phones is destroying interactions? v. 1
It is sometimes argued that technology has had a strong impact on human life ever since it is introduced. Their personal relationships are affected due to this, since they hardly communicate to each other in this era of gadgets. I completely agree that technology is the reason of reducing interaction among people. Technological equipments are certainly responsible why people no longer talk to each other. Being the major mean of entertainment these equipments consume the majority of the time, which is supposed to be spent with family. Needless to say, people are generally glued to either their mobile phone or television screen whenever they get a chance. For example, youngsters, in particular, after coming back from school either watch television or use mobile phones and find it quite boring to talk to their parents. Apparently, technology is disturbing the usual interactions people used to have with each other in bygone days. Furthermore, information technology has become an inevitable part of official working which is why people have to use mobile phones and other portable devices including tablets and mobile phones for work. Their lifestyle revolves around using these devices either for attending an online meeting or an important phone call from a client. Therefore, they cannot hang out with other people and have senseless talks while having their favourite coffee. Unfortunately, automation is taking over their lives and most of them are not aware about this. Working from home is a most significant example to cite here, when people, despite being in their houses, stay connected to their mobile phones and computers than the people in their family and around them. In conclusion, I fully agree with intervention of technology in the way of relationships and happy life resulting from reduced communication.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has had a strong impact on human life ever since it
is introduced
. Their personal relationships are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
due to this, since they hardly communicate to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
in this era of gadgets. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is the reason of reducing interaction among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Technological equipments are
certainly
responsible why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
no longer talk to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. Being the major mean of entertainment these equipments consume the majority of the time, which
is supposed
to
be spent
with family. Needless to say,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
generally
glued to either their mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
or television screen whenever they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance.
For example
, youngsters,
in particular
, after coming back from school either
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
television or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and find it quite boring to talk to their parents.
Apparently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is disturbing the usual interactions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to have with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
in bygone days.

Furthermore
, information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has become an inevitable part of official working which is why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
portable devices including tablets and mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
for work. Their lifestyle revolves around using these devices either for attending an online meeting or an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
call from a client.
Therefore
, they cannot hang out with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and have senseless talks while having their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
coffee. Unfortunately, automation is taking over their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and most of them are not aware about this. Working from home is a most significant example to cite here, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, despite being in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
, stay connected to their mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and computers than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their family and around them.

In conclusion
, I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with intervention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in the way of relationships and happy life resulting from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
communication.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Technology today such as mobile phones is destroying interactions? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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