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Some people say that technologies like mobile phones are destroying social interactions To want extent do you agree or disagree v.2

Some people say that technologies like mobile phones are destroying social interactions To want extent v. 2
Due to advancements in technology and with the introduction of internet and smartphones, it has been seen that people especially youngsters, have become hesitant while interacting others. This is mainly due to availability of these services in wide varieties and at cheap rate. I think it has played a crucial role in diverting people from socialising with others. To begin with, there are a huge varieties of applications available on internet like Netflix for entertainment, Amazon for online shopping, zomato for online food, video games and so on. These applications fulfill the needs of an individual with just one touch. However in the past, people used to take someone else with them for shopping, playing games, etc. which not only provide them active lifestyle, but also improves the bonding between near and dear ones. Furthermore, people are so busy in their hectic schedule so they hardly get time for others, but whenever they get they prefer to utilize on internet. As a result, it impairs the relationships and loss of respect for other members of family. Moreover, today generation is so influenced by these gadgets that they believe their elders are good for nothing. Thus, they prefer to spend longer hours on phone rather than their family members. It also give birth to anti social behavior in them. Besides this, this kind of lifestyle leads to many problems while interacting others like they lack communication skills, ethics and moral values. These values and skills played a vital role in everyone’s life in real world. In conclusion, although it cannot be denied that modern technology has made our lives easier and hassle free. But, Over dependence on it will have an adverse impact on the health and bonding of the people.
Due to advancements in technology and with the introduction of internet and smartphones, it has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
especially
youngsters, have become hesitant while interacting others. This is
mainly
due to availability of these services in wide varieties and at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
rate. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it has played a crucial role in diverting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialising' is British English.
socialising
with others.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are a huge
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "variety"?
varieties
of applications available on internet like Netflix for entertainment, Amazon for online shopping,
Possible spelling mistake found.
zomato
for online food, video games and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. These applications fulfill the needs of an individual with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one touch.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
in the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to take someone else with them for shopping, playing games, etc. which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provide them active lifestyle,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the bonding between near and dear ones.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
busy in their hectic schedule
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they hardly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
time for others,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
whenever they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
they prefer to utilize on internet.
As a result
, it impairs the relationships and loss of respect for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
members of family.

Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
generation is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
influenced by these gadgets that they believe their elders are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for nothing.
Thus
, they prefer to spend longer hours on phone
rather
than their family members. It
also
Did you mean "gives"?
give
birth to
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
anti social
behavior in them.
Besides
this, this kind of lifestyle leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems while interacting others like they lack communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, ethics and moral values. These values and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
played a vital role in everyone’s life in real world.

In conclusion
, although it cannot
be denied
that modern technology has made our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
easier and hassle free.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, Over dependence on it will have an adverse impact on the health and bonding of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that technologies like mobile phones are destroying social interactions To want extent v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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