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Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? v.2

Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past. v. 2
There have been several disputed discussions on whether technology has made children less creative or not, especially if we compare with the past. As for everything, there are always two sides to every question. Personally, I believe that technology has made children more creative and more analytics than in the past. I feel this for two reasons, which I explore in the following ways. To begin with, technology has made children inter-dependent as compare to the past where children are dependent on teachers and elder ones. My personal experience is a compelling example of this; About 15 years ago, I enrolled in math class. During my early age, I found trigonometry very difficult and not able to solve the question without the help of teachers. However, today I was able to do every question of trigonometry very confidently and interdependently, and the reason for such interdependency is you-tube(a glimpse of technology). Therefore, through technology, children become more technical as compared to the past. Besides, It is seen that children have developed hydroelectric products at the age of 14, and this is possible only through advancement in current technology. In the past, it was difficult to imagine that a child can develop hydroelectric products, and the reason is no advancement of technology in that period. For better understanding, let us look at the instance of my brother, about 15 years ago, my brother shared with me an idea to develop a hydroelectric car; however, he did not develop such a car. He was not able to execute his plan at that time, however, later on, His kid, made hydroelectric microwave oven at the age of 14, and he did this with the help of the internet and other technology babies. In conclusion, although in some scenarios, technology has made children sluggish as compared to the past. Nevertheless, these scenarios do not make children less creative. Thus, I personally believe that technology has made kids smarter because they are interdependent now and because they can execute their plan if we compare it with the past.
There have been several disputed discussions on whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
less creative or not,
especially
if we compare with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
. As for everything, there are always two sides to every question.
Personally
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more creative and more analytics than in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
. I feel this for two reasons, which I explore in the following ways.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
inter-dependent as compare to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are dependent on teachers and elder ones. My personal experience is a compelling example of this; About 15 years ago, I enrolled in math
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. During my early age, I found trigonometry
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult and not able to solve the question without the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of teachers.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
I was able to do every question of trigonometry
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
confidently
and
interdependently
, and the reason for such interdependency is you-tube(a glimpse of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology)
.
Therefore
, through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become more technical as compared to the past.

Besides
, It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have developed hydroelectric products at the age of 14, and this is possible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
through advancement in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
, it was difficult to imagine that a child can develop hydroelectric products, and the reason is no advancement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in that period. For better understanding,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us look at the instance of my brother, about 15 years ago, my brother shared with me an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to develop a hydroelectric car;
however
, he did not develop such a car. He was not able to execute his plan at that time,
however
, later on, His kid, made hydroelectric microwave oven at the age of 14, and he did this with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of the internet and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
babies.

In conclusion
, although in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
scenarios,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
sluggish as compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
.
Nevertheless
, these scenarios do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
less creative.
Thus
, I
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has made kids smarter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are interdependent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can execute their plan if we compare it with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
343 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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