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In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot pressure to work hard in their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v.2

In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot pressure to work hard in their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 2
In today' s modern world, it is very intricate to sustain without doing hard work. In most of the countries, it is quite difficult to get a good job unless one is highly qualified. This scenario has lead to a feeling of insecurity among the youth. They are frightened to not been able to fulfill their dreams and their parent' s aspirations. Foremost, competition has been increasing incessantly which has made the young people miserable. Although, there are many more reasons such as the desire to prove themselves and to become financially independent. Young people especially, boys want to achieve their goals in life swiftly so they do not have to look upon their parents for their needs. In order, to do so, they tend to devote more time to studies or vocation instead of having fun with their friends and family. These people are aware of the fact that nowadays, only a person who is successful and wealthy is respected. Conversely, to a man who has not been able to attain anything as he is neither recognized nor honoured in the society. Therefore, it has become essential for today' s generation to work diligently and to concentrate more on building their future rather than to relish with their loved ones in going out for a vacation or movie etc. To recapitulate, I admit, it is vital to focus on education and career but at the same time it is unwise to ignore the significance of relaxation especially at young age because there are several activities that can be done only at this age. I have seen many old people repenting that they did not enjoy when they were young as they were busy earning money. Additionally, relaxation is important to work efficiently, indeed, it not only energizes your brain but it also rejuvenates you. Hence, one must manage our schedule in such away that we always have some spare time to get indulge in our favourite past time.
In
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s modern world, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
intricate to sustain without doing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work. In most of the countries, it is quite difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job unless one is
highly
qualified. This scenario has lead to a feeling of insecurity among the youth. They
are frightened
to not been able to fulfill their dreams and their
Possible spelling mistake found.
parent&
#039; s aspirations.

Foremost, competition has been increasing
incessantly
which has made the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
miserable. Although, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more reasons such as the desire to prove themselves and to become
financially
independent.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
especially
, boys want to achieve their goals in life
swiftly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
look upon their parents for their needs. In order, to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they tend to devote more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to studies or vocation
instead
of having fun with their friends and family.

These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are aware of the fact that nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a person who is successful and wealthy
is respected
.
Conversely
, to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
who has not been able to attain anything as he is neither recognized nor
Possible spelling mistake. 'honoured' is British English.
honoured
in the society.
Therefore
, it has become essential for
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s generation to work
diligently
and to concentrate more on building their future
rather
than to relish with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones in going out for a vacation or movie etc.

To recapitulate, I admit, it is vital to focus on education and career
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
it is unwise to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the significance of relaxation
especially
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are several activities that can
be done
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
at this age. I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
repenting that they did not enjoy when they were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
as they were busy earning money.
Additionally
, relaxation is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to work
efficiently
,
indeed
, it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
energizes your brain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
rejuvenates you.
Hence
, one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
manage our schedule in such away that we always have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
indulge in our
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot pressure to work hard in their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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