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Many jobs at around the house are done manually, but could have been done by machines instead. What are the advantages or disadvantages of this? Give your opinion and include relevant examples v.2

Many jobs at around the house are done manually, but could have been done by machines instead. What are the advantages or disadvantages of this? Give your opinion and include relevant examples v. 2
House jobs are not easy task to do. Most of the people take the support of machines to get the work done. There are some advantages of robotic work. However, the disadvantages are on much higher side. First of all, reliance on machines make people more sluggish. Many house chores are now a days can be easily done manually, but because of availability of artificial intelligence, these works are dedicated to machines. For example, boiling water for tea or coffee does not require any heavy exercise but these machines like electric kettles or dispensers let people do the work quicker and easier and therefore convince them to make less efforts and let the machine do the rest. Secondly, artificial intelligence create many health problems such as obesity. Increasing weight has now been one of the alarming point of unhealthy lives. Many people indulge in this problem due to depending on machine work. For example, previously my mother used to wash dishes with her bare hands but after the dish washer was purchased, the efforts were reduced to almost half. My mother was happy as now she has to make less efforts on dish washing but on the other hand she started gaining her weight. Before she was fit enough and used to take care of herself but now greatly engaged in medicines to keep her health steady. In conclusion, despite the advantages of machines like fewer efforts and allow to dedicate their free time to other important tasks, the disadvantages have more strong points. Therefore, it is recommended that people should rely lesser on machines to keep active and healthy.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
House
jobs are not easy task to do. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take the support of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
done. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages of robotic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
However
, the disadvantages are on much higher side.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, reliance on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more sluggish.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
chores are
Did you mean "nowadays"?
now a days
can be
easily
done
manually
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of availability of artificial intelligence, these works
are dedicated
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
.
For example
, boiling water for tea or coffee does not require any heavy exercise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
like electric kettles or dispensers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
quicker and easier and
therefore
convince them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun efforts is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
efforts
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
do the rest.

Secondly
, artificial intelligence create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health problems such as obesity. Increasing weight has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
been one of the alarming point of unhealthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
indulge in this problem due to depending on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
For example
, previously my mother
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to wash dishes with her bare hands
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after the dish washer was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
efforts
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to almost half. My mother was happy as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
she
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun efforts is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
efforts
on dish washing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
on the other hand
she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
gaining her weight.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
she
was fit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to take care of herself
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
greatly
engaged in medicines to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
her health steady.

In conclusion
, despite the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
like fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
efforts
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
to dedicate their free time to other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
tasks, the disadvantages have more strong points.
Therefore
, it
is recommended
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should rely lesser on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
active and healthy.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Many jobs at around the house are done manually, but could have been done by machines instead. What are the advantages or disadvantages of this? Give your opinion and include relevant examples v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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