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Some people think that spending a lot of money on holding wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebration is just a waste of money. others, however, thinks that these are necessary for individuals and society. discuss both views and give your opinion v.2

Some people think that spending a lot of money on holding wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebration is just a waste of money. others, however, thinks that these are necessary for individuals and society. 2
With the rise in modernization, the life style of people have been greatly affected, they have achieved various milestones. However, aome issues remain unchallenged and complex as ever; one such controversial issue here is of, should spending money by people on some events is good or not? i shall explore the principles of this topic with various assertions and reasons and shape up my opinion at the end. To embark with, people who think that spending money on events is just a waste of money and they claim their view point by said that, people can utilized their money on wedding, birthday and other occasional events only to showoff their status between their friends and relatives. Moreover, they waste their income on unusual things; like-decorations, lighting, sound system, hiring workers and land on rent etc. The survey conducted by the hindustan times and they claim that 78 percentum people of the worldwide can waste their money on unusual products rather than on social welfare, starvation. On the other side, there are other group of people who thinks that using money on events is necessary for all, they convincing their view point by claiming that, special events like marriages, birthday events and other celebrational moments happening few times in life time in which peole make gatherings, make new friends, improve their bondings etc. Furthermore, people can show their status and standard of living by doing this and also wedding ceremonies can occur only once in life, so it is being important for individuals for celebrating. To conclude, both view points have their own thinking, i tend to believe that, people can spend their money wisely on such events and give their small amount of money to NGO for making their moments special and memorable. if they should do this also starvation level will be decrease with the passge of time.
With the rise in modernization, the life style of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have been
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
, they have achieved various milestones.
However
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
aome
issues remain unchallenged and complex as ever; one such controversial issue here is of, should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "spend"
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or not?
Did you mean "I"?
i
shall explore the principles of this topic with various assertions and reasons and shape up my opinion at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

To embark with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a waste of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
money and
they claim their view point by said that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can utilized their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on wedding, birthday and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
occasional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to showoff their status between their friends and relatives.
Moreover
, they waste their income on unusual things; like-decorations, lighting, sound system, hiring workers and land on rent etc. The survey conducted by the
Possible spelling mistake found.
hindustan
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
times and
they claim that 78
Possible spelling mistake found.
percentum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the worldwide can waste their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on unusual products
rather
than on social welfare, starvation.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "groups"?
group
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
is necessary for all,
Did you mean "they're convincing", "they are convincing", or "they were convincing"?
they convincing
their view point by claiming that, special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
like marriages, birthday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
Possible spelling mistake found.
celebrational
moments happening few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
in life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in which
Possible spelling mistake found.
peole
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
gatherings,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new friends,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
Possible spelling mistake found.
bondings
etc.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their status and standard of living by doing this and
also
wedding ceremonies can occur
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
once in life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for individuals for celebrating.

To conclude
, both view points have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
thinking,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
tend to believe that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
wisely
on such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
and give their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to NGO for making their moments special and memorable.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
if
they should do this
also
starvation level will be decrease with the
Possible spelling mistake found.
passge
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that spending a lot of money on holding wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebration is just a waste of money. others, however, thinks that these are necessary for individuals and society. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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