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171. When students move to a new school, they sometimes face problems. How can schools help these students with their problems? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer. v.2

171. When students move to a new school, they sometimes face problems. How can schools help these students with their problems? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer. v. 2
When students move to a new school, it takes time for them to adapt to this unfamiliar envrionment. On the other hand, the schools should take mearsures to help these newcomers, because it will reduce the time and difficulty of the students to suit the new places, they would concerntrate more ennergy on studying. There are several ways for the schools to help the new students, I will address my points as follows. To begin with, the ice-breaking activities is very efficient in getting to know each others for students and teachers as soon as possible. I still remembered when I entered in my university, on the first self-introduction class, I quickly made several friends as we were all football fans, what' s more. I was acknowledged by our school director that there was a new player recruit of my university football team. I did no hesitate to apply for the team that day. Then I had four years' happy time in the university team. I really appriciate the chance of ice-breaking activity that I could get to know my university so fast. In addtion, a campus tour is also feasible. Teachers or students in the schools can be the guiders for the new students. Then they can guide the newcomers to have a little tour aound the school. Thus the new students can get to know the envrionment of the school. Once as freshmen, we were guided by junior student in our major to walk around the campus of our university. THen we all knew where the cafe was, where to go to class, where to do expriment, even where to shop. After the guidance, all of us have a basic idea of our university. Later we quickly get to know our campus. Finally, new media like the Internet would do a lot favor in this business. Shools can make a specific pages on website to show the shcools to the new students. By video clips and school maps, the students would get to know the school at the first time. Even though I haven' e experinced this advantage, when I graduated, I visited the websites of my university website, I found the special page for the new students, including the bulletin and official information service, I am sure that the new students of my university would have much less time to adapt the new envrionment. In all, I am sure there are still lots of ways to help the new students to know the schools, the methods mentioned above are useful and operative for the school, likewise.
When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, it takes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for them to adapt to this unfamiliar
Possible spelling mistake found.
envrionment
.
On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should take
Possible spelling mistake found.
mearsures
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
these newcomers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and difficulty of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to suit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
places, they would
Possible spelling mistake found.
concerntrate
more
Possible spelling mistake found.
ennergy
on studying. There are several ways for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, I will address my points as follows.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the ice-breaking activities is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
efficient in getting to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "other"?
others
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and teachers as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible. I
still
remembered when I entered in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, on the
first
self-introduction
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, I
quickly
made several friends as we were all football fans,
Possible spelling mistake found.
what&
#039; s more. I
was acknowledged
by our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
director that there was a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
player recruit of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
football team.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
did
Did you mean "not"?
no
hesitate to apply for the team that day. Then I had four
Possible spelling mistake found.
years&
#039; happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
team. I
really
Possible spelling mistake found.
appriciate
the chance of ice-breaking activity that I could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
.

In
Possible spelling mistake found.
addtion
, a campus tour is
also
feasible. Teachers or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
can be the guiders for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Then they can guide the newcomers to have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
tour
Possible spelling mistake found.
aound
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
envrionment
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Once as freshmen, we
were guided
by junior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
in our major to walk around the campus of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
THen
we all knew where the
'cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"
cafe
was, where to go to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, where to do
Possible spelling mistake found.
expriment
, even where to shop. After the guidance, all of us have a basic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. Later we
quickly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
our campus.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
media like the Internet would do
If you mean a great quantity, use "a lot of favor"?
a lot favor
in this business.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Shools
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a specific pages on website to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
shcools
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. By video clips and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
maps, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
at the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Even though
I
Possible spelling mistake found.
haven&
#039; e
Possible spelling mistake found.
experinced
this advantage, when I graduated, I visited the websites of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
website, I found the special page for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, including the bulletin and official information service, I am sure that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
would have much less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to adapt the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
Possible spelling mistake found.
envrionment
.

In all, I am sure there are
still
lots of ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, the methods mentioned above are useful and operative for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
likewise
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
55Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23Mistakes

IELTS essay 171. When students move to a new school, they sometimes face problems. How can schools help these students with their problems? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
429 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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