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Studies suggested that nowadays children watch much more television than they did in the past and spend less time on active or creative things. What are the reasons? And what measures should be taken to encourage children to spend more time on active or creative things? v.1

Studies suggested that nowadays children watch much more television than they did in the past and spend less time on active or creative things. What are the reasons? And what measures should be taken to encourage children to spend more time on active or creative things? v. 1
There has been a worrying trend that children watch an excessive amount of television and do not engage much in active or creative activities. This trend can be ascribed to a number of reasons and it must be addressed by definite actions. Reasons for the trend vary. The primary reason is that children’s television programmes are being broadcast all day with addictive contents, such as vivid and colourful animations. Cartoon Network and Disney Channel with their all-day-long series of animation shows are an evident example of this. Another clear reason is that parents nowadays are busy with their work, so they want children to focus on an activity that does not require much of their attention such as watching television. These two reasons make children spend more time in front of the television screen; this sedentary lifestyle prevents them from participating in active or creative activities. A number of strong measures must be implemented to tackle the issue. The first solution is limiting the amount of time that a child can watch television. This could be done by activating the parental control mode and setting a fixed operating time limit on their television set. Another feasible solution is that parents must spend more time with their children and together they could engage in outdoor or creative activities. For example, parents could form a family sport team that practices on a regular basis, which may appeal to children more than television. To conclude, there are obvious reasons why children watch too much television and spend little time on active and creative activities. This negative trend could be tackled by a number of remedies, such as activating the parental control mode on television sets.
There has been a worrying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
an excessive amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and do not engage much in active or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
can
be ascribed
to a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be addressed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
definite
actions.

Reasons for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
vary. The primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
are being broadcast all day with addictive contents, such as vivid and
Possible spelling mistake. 'colourful' is British English.
colourful
animations. Cartoon Network and Disney Channel with their all-day-long series of animation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
are an evident example of this. Another
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that parents nowadays are busy with their work,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they want
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to focus on an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
that does not require much of their attention such as watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. These two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in front of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
screen; this sedentary lifestyle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
them from participating in active or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
activities.

A number of strong measures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be implemented
to tackle the issue. The
first
solution is limiting the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that a child can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. This could
be done
by activating the parental control mode and setting a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
operating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
limit on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
set. Another feasible solution is that parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and together they could engage in outdoor or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
For example
, parents could form a family sport team that practices on a regular basis, which may appeal to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more than television.

To conclude
, there are obvious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on active and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. This
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
could
be tackled
by a number of remedies, such as activating the parental control mode on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
sets.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay Studies suggested that nowadays children watch much more television than they did in the past and spend less time on active or creative things. What are the reasons? And what measures should be taken to encourage children to spend more time on active or creative things? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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