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Technological Advance Computers are replacing more and more jobs. describe some positions that may be lost because of computer and discuss at least one problem that may result. v.2

Technological Advance Computers are replacing more and more jobs. describe some positions that may be lost because of computer and discuss at least one problem that may result. v. 2
Nowaday, Technologies are become more popular in automation. In most of cases men have been replace by computers for accuracy, so that number of job vacancy are reducing. In 21st century, Business is growing drastically, Job vacancy is also increased but computers which have replace men so that job are reduce. For an example in current situation CEO of company appointed only one accountant, who manage only computers data. There are no need for take men for individual field so that above example one computer is replace some men for account. Secondly, International company like TATA, Reliance etc. Production System are depending only on automation which are based on computer Program, so that They cannot be appointed more employee for maintain production. In this situation groups of workers have deducted by applying computer based on automation system, In which totally process are comptuerised. Other phase, consider above example, if production system is totally depends on automation then some problems will create at some occasion. Whenever computer system crashed or get error so that Whole production system can be fail or Produce inaccurate production. if human employee works on that place that there are negligible change of fail system. As per above discussion, we can conclude that whole world are growing so that computerised system needed for accurate work but in some case computers can give accurate work but it will danger in future. At that place men can solve that situation because of “human are human”.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nowaday
, Technologies
are become
more popular in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
automation
. In most of cases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
have been
Consider using a past participle here: "replaced".
replace
by computers for accuracy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that number of job vacancy are reducing.

In 21st century, Business is growing
drastically
, Job vacancy is
also
increased
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
computers which have
Use past participle here: "replaced".
replace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that job are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
. For an example in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
situation CEO of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
appointed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one accountant, who manage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "computers'" or "computer's"?
computers
data. There are no need for take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
for individual field
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that above example one computer is
Consider using a past participle here: "replaced".
replace
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
for account.

Secondly
, International
The singular proper name 'International' must be used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "companies", "companied".
company
like TATA, Reliance etc.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Production
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
System
The verb 'depending' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are depending
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
automation
which
are based
on computer Program,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that They cannot
be appointed
more employee for maintain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
. In this situation groups of workers have deducted by applying computer based on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
automation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
, In which
totally
process are
Possible spelling mistake found.
comptuerised
.

Other phase, consider above example, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
is
totally
depends on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
automation
then
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems will create at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
occasion. Whenever computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
crashed or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
error
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that Whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
can be fail or Produce inaccurate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
if
human employee works on that place that there are negligible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of fail system.

As per above discussion, we can conclude that whole world are growing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
Possible spelling mistake. 'computerised' is British English.
computerised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
needed for accurate work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
case computers can give accurate work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
. At that place
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
can solve that situation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of “human are human”.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes

IELTS essay Technological Advance Computers are replacing more and more jobs. describe some positions that may be lost because of computer and discuss at least one problem that may result. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
246 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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