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As the world becomes technologically advanced, computers are replacing more and more jobs. Describe some job positions that may be lost because of computers, and discuss at least one problem that may result. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.1

As the world becomes technologically advanced, computers are replacing more and more jobs. Describe some job positions that may be lost because of computers, and discuss at least one problem that may result. v. 1
When computers first made their way into the business sector, everyone believed that they would make people's jobs easier. What was not expected was that computers would eliminate jobs. Besides contributing to unemployment, these automated workers often exhibit inadequate job performance. To start with, there are numbers of jobs that have been vanished because of new technology Devices. Before computers various tasks were performed by humans, but now one can observe the control of computers over them. For example, ticket agents in various transport fields have lost their jobs. These days, almost at every junction automatic devices are installed from where passengers can get their ticket. Similarly, many call centres that have helplines are almost entirely computerised. In addition to this, many bank accountants, librarians and postmen have seemed to be replaced by computers. On the other hand, while a computer may easily achieve the main tasks of these jobs, most computers fall short when customers have a unique request or problem. For instance, the prepaid ticket booth machine can not offer friendly directions. Similarly, an automated bank machine cannot assist a customer who just stolen his credit card. Furthermore, in the library, most of the visitors are old age who don't know how to operate computers? Therefore, one cannot neglect the role of the librarian. In conclusion, although, computers have eliminated some jobs they cannot nullify the importance of the human workforce. It is the need of the hour to evolve new business trends in which, both, computers and humans contribute equally.
When computers
first
made their way into the business sector, everyone believed that they would
make
people
's
jobs
easier. What was not
expected
was that computers would eliminate
jobs
.
Besides
contributing to unemployment, these automated workers
often
exhibit inadequate
job
performance.

To
start
with, there are numbers of
jobs
that have
been vanished
because
of new technology

Devices.
Before
computers various tasks
were performed
by humans,
but
now
one can observe the control of computers over them.
For example
, ticket agents in various transport fields have lost their
jobs
. These days, almost at every junction automatic devices
are installed
from where passengers can
get
their ticket.
Similarly
,
many
call
centres
that have helplines are almost
entirely
computerised
.
In addition
to this,
many
bank accountants, librarians and postmen have seemed to
be replaced
by computers.

On the other hand
, while a computer may
easily
achieve the main tasks of these
jobs
, most computers fall short when customers have a unique request or problem.
For instance
, the prepaid ticket booth machine can not offer friendly directions.
Similarly
, an automated bank machine cannot assist a customer who
just
stolen his credit card.
Furthermore
, in the library, most of the visitors are
old
age who don't know how to operate computers?

Therefore
, one cannot neglect the role of the librarian.

In conclusion
, although, computers have eliminated
some
jobs
they cannot nullify the importance of the human workforce. It is the need of the hour to evolve new business trends in which, both, computers and humans contribute
equally
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay As the world becomes technologically advanced, computers are replacing more and more jobs. Describe some job positions that may be lost because of computers, and discuss at least one problem that may result. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
253 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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