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Team activities can teach more skills for life than those activities, which are played alone. To what extent to you agree or disagree? v.4

Team activities can teach more skills for life than those activities, which are played alone. v. 4
We are often taught to work hard for a better life. What does an individual consider a better life? Is it having enough money to buy necessities, or being happy in any circumstances? Whatever the answer, the concept of a better life is relative. There will always be people who are happier than you with less money, and people who are unhappier even with sufficient income. One might earn good wages by working hard, however, this has a little to do with happiness or better life. Overtime luxury tends to become necessities. In other words, what we have now is taken for granted and we desire new things. When we fulfil those desires, they become part of our daily life and we aspire for more. For instance, a child works hard to get a good education, which will eventually result in a competitive salaried job. They feel elated, however, for a period. Then they feel the pressure to get a promotion, to climb up the social ladder, or, to earn more wage, and they work harder thinking eventually one or the other will lead to a better life. Then the cycle keeps repeating. Unknowingly, they are now part of a vicious cycle that has consumed many people like themselves. Our generation is not the only victim, our ancestors were also a casualty. During the agricultural revolution, human became farmers from hunter gatherers. We might believe that was for their betterment, now they are much more secure from the wild animals and have more readily available food, for which they foraged for hours every day. This was the histories biggest fraud. A typical hunter gathers would work for five hours a day, gathering food, and if they scored a big game like a Bison, they would go on for days without eating or doing anything at all. In contrast, a farmer had to work long days to keep their crops healthy, removing weeds or planting new crops. Then why did our ancestors choose this lifestyle? The answer is the vicious cycle, humans are incapable of fathoming the full consequences of their decisions. They thought if they word a little harder growing wheat than foraging, they will have plenty of food throughout the year plus they do not have to put their life in danger while hunting animals. They started working hard in farming, now they were settled so they thought about expanding families. As a result, they had a lot more mouths to feed, so they started working hard to grow more crops. They had more possessions compared to hunter gatherers, which resulting in more time spend maintaining them. Consequently, they were now working harder than any humans in history. In the past, our ancestors were allured by availability of food and security, we are tempted by money and social status, our future generation might be for hunger for power, who knows. What history has taught us is, Everyone was stuck in this cycle, however, we more than anyone, and working harder does not necessarily mean a better life.
We are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
taught to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. What does an individual consider a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
? Is it having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
necessities, or being happy in any circumstances? Whatever the answer, the concept of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is relative. There will always be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are happier than you with less money, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are unhappier even with sufficient income. One might earn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
wages by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
,
however
, this has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
to do with happiness or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
life.

Overtime luxury tends to become necessities.
In other words
, what we have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
is taken
for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
granted and
we desire new things. When we fulfil those desires, they become part of our daily
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
we aspire for more.
For instance
, a child works
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
education, which will
eventually
result in a competitive salaried job. They feel elated,
however
, for a period. Then they feel the pressure to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a promotion, to climb up the social ladder, or, to earn more wage, and they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
harder
thinking
eventually
one or the other will lead to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Then the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cycle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
repeating.
Unknowingly
, they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
part of a vicious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cycle
that has consumed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
like themselves.

Our generation is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
victim, our ancestors were
also
a casualty. During the agricultural revolution, human became farmers from
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
hunter gatherers
. We might believe that was for their betterment,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
they are much more secure from the wild animals and have more
readily
available
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, for which they foraged for hours every day. This was the histories
A determiner is probably missing here: "the biggest".
biggest
fraud. A typical hunter gathers would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for five hours a day, gathering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, and if they scored a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
game like a Bison, they would go on for days without eating or doing anything at all.
In contrast
, a farmer had to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
long days to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their crops healthy, removing weeds or planting new crops. Then why did our ancestors choose this lifestyle? The answer is the vicious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cycle
, humans are incapable of fathoming the full consequences of their decisions. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
if they word a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
harder
growing wheat than foraging, they will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
throughout the year plus they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
put their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
while hunting animals. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
in farming,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
they
were settled
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
about expanding families.
As a result
, they had a lot more mouths to feed,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
to grow more crops. They had more possessions compared to
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
hunter gatherers
, which resulting in more time spend maintaining them.
Consequently
, they were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
harder
than any humans in history.

In the past, our ancestors
were allured
by availability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and security, we
are tempted
by money and social status, our future generation might be for hunger for power, who knows. What history has taught us is, Everyone
was stuck
in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cycle
,
however
,
It seems that a verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here. Please verify.
we more
than anyone, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
harder
does not
necessarily
mean a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Team activities can teach more skills for life than those activities, which are played alone. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
508 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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