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A large company in your area has decided to spend a certain amount of money, either to sponsor a local children’s sports team for two years, or to pay for two open-air concerts. It has asked for feedback from the general public. Write a letter to the com v.1

A large company in your area has decided to spend a certain amount of money, either to sponsor a local children’s sports team for two years, or to pay for two open-air concerts. It has asked for feedback from the general public. Write a letter to the com v. 1
The education system has seen drastic changes since last two decades. Although, many new subject areas have got compounded at various levels, still, there is always a need to modify the syllabus. Whether teaching basic accounting skills for prospective livelihood should be included in learning scheme? This has become a recent contentious issue worldwide. I believe, if these futuristic practicalities can be taught to them in school, than our future workforce will get propitious results in their ultimate survival. In this essay we will discuss both sides of this debate and will draw an inference. Whenever a new subject area is added in the curriculum, it definitely adds burden to the youngsters. Though they have too many theoretical subjects to learn until secondary education level, still there is a continuous need to teach them the practical areas, because these are the ones which will help them apply their theories in the real life, while encountering the real competitive world. A recent study by the child psychology department of Oxford University has stated that offspring who learns survival skills like money and time management in school, has 40% better chance of succeeding in his career than those who do not get this learning opportunity. Here, the need of the moment is to modify the curriculum in such a way that these areas become an integral part of theoretical learning, rather than making them a separate subject. After all, today's world is a global community with various challenges for human success survival. It becomes inevitable to prepare our next generation for these competitive skills right from the beginning. Students who are able to sort themselves are expected to sustain better when they will be exposed to the organizations for work. Companies today prefer to recruit personnel who have studied these areas during their education over those who did not learn it in schools. Therefore, it becomes critical for schools to embed these areas in school studies. To recapitulate, having mulled over above stated arguments and information, and deliberating all the facts, it can be deducted that teaching skill like financial management is, as vital as, other subjects. I strongly opine that schools should design their curriculum in such a way that these practical skills become an integral part of the theoretical subjects. As a result, providing more smart and efficient human resource for the upcoming world.
The education system has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
drastic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
since last two decades. Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
compounded at various levels,
still
, there is always a need to modify the syllabus. Whether teaching basic accounting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
for prospective livelihood should
be included
in learning scheme? This has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a recent contentious issue worldwide. I believe, if these futuristic practicalities can
be taught
to them in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, than our future workforce will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
propitious results in their ultimate survival. In this essay we will discuss both sides of this debate and will draw an inference.

Whenever a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
in the curriculum, it definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
burden to the youngsters. Though they have too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
theoretical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
to learn until secondary education level,
still
there is a continuous need to teach them the practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these are the ones which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them apply their theories in the real life, while encountering the real competitive world. A recent study by the child psychology department of Oxford University has stated that offspring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
learns survival
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
like money and time management in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, has 40% better chance of succeeding in his career than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
this learning opportunity. Here, the need of the moment is to modify the curriculum in such a way that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
an integral part of theoretical learning,
rather
than making them a separate subject.

After all
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world is a global community with various challenges for human success survival. It
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
inevitable to prepare our
next
generation for these competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
right from the beginning. Students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are able to sort themselves are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to sustain better when they will
be exposed
to the organizations for work.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
prefer to recruit personnel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have studied these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
during their education over those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
did not learn it in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
Therefore
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
critical for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to embed these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
studies.

To recapitulate, having mulled over above stated arguments and information, and deliberating all the facts, it can
be deducted
that teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
like financial management is, as vital as, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. I
strongly
opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should design their curriculum in such a way that these practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
an integral part of the theoretical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
As a result
, providing more smart and efficient human resource for the upcoming world.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay A large company in your area has decided to spend a certain amount of money, either to sponsor a local children’s sports team for two years, or to pay for two open-air concerts. It has asked for feedback from the general public. Write a letter to the com v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
394 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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