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Today a growing number of people are using private cars instead of public transportation. What are the advantages and disadvantages of owning cars? v.1

Today a growing number of people are using private cars instead of public transportation. What are the advantages and disadvantages of owning cars? v. 1
It is argued that watching television has an adverse impact on children, whereas other people believe that it brings various benefits to them. I personally agree with the second group. On the one hand, there are a number of reasons why some people think that children’s development would be negatively affected by watching TV. The first reason is that sitting in front of TV screens for too long is detrimental to children’s health. Many kids these days suffer from various health problems such as obesity, eye strain or fatigue due to prolonged television watching. Another reason is that many TV programmes and movies contain violent contents or sexual images which are inappropriate for children to watch. Heavy exposure to violent movies can put a child at a higher risk of violent behaviour, which could ruin their future. On the other hand, I personally believe that television has an essential role to play in the development of children. Watching educational TV programmes gives children the opportunity to widen their horizons and enrich their knowledge of the world they live in. Planet Earth and Discovery Channel are prime examples. Their programmes not only take the viewer into unknown natural habitats which are home to various plants and animals, but also educate them about the importance of preserving the wonders of the Earth. In addition, many TV shows and channels provide children with limitless knowledge of almost every aspect of life. A programme called ‘Talent show for kids? ’, for example, not only gives children enjoyable moments but also informs them about various subjects. In conclusion, although some people say that watching TV is harmful to children, I would argue that it is very beneficial for them.
It
is argued
that watching television has an adverse impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, whereas other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that it brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
benefits to them. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the second group.

On the one hand, there are a number of reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
development would be
negatively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by watching TV. The
first
reason is that sitting in front of TV screens for too long is detrimental to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
health.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
kids these days suffer from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
health problems such as obesity, eye strain or fatigue due to prolonged television watching. Another reason is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
TV
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
and movies contain violent contents or sexual images which are inappropriate for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
. Heavy exposure to violent movies can put a child at a higher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of violent
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, which could ruin their future.

On the other hand
, I
personally
believe that television has an essential role to play in the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Watching educational TV
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the opportunity to widen their horizons and enrich their knowledge of the world they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in. Planet Earth and Discovery Channel are prime examples. Their
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
take the viewer into unknown natural habitats which are home to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
plants and animals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
educate them about the importance of preserving the wonders of the Earth.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and channels provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with limitless knowledge of almost every aspect of life. A
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
called ‘Talent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
for kids? ’,
for example
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
enjoyable moments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
informs them about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
subjects.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that watching TV is harmful to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, I would argue that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial for them.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Today a growing number of people are using private cars instead of public transportation. What are the advantages and disadvantages of owning cars? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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