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Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Teachers should not make their social or political views known to students in the classroom. v.15

Teachers should not make their social or political views known to students in the classroom. v. 15
Reading books is a great source of information. One section of society deems that a book reading is a better option for younger children instead watching television or computer games. I large extend agree with the given statement because there are a number benefits of e-book reading. To commence with, e-book learning is an interesting way to boost cognitive skills of children. As it is technical resource children can learn vocabulary easily along with view of image. Moreover, e-learning also divert mindset of children from smartphones. As these days juvenile crime can be seen in the society, a study has proven that crime among young offender 80% because of over usage of computers and TV. Therefore, technological resource such as e-learning is far better than watching TV or suffering on multimedia. Moreover, e-learning not only helpful for children's mindset, but also it can increase healthy competition among children. When children learn stories on the regular basis they would be shared with their mentor. Consequently, teachers can set an example for others in order to encourage all students. It would provide holistic development of children. On the contrary, although there are countless advantage of learning stories from e-book, it may be put overpressure on child life. As in this era children having already full dry classes, then parents also want a highest score of their kids. So in this case entertainment is required to avoid sedentary lifestyle, children need break from their hectic school life. To illustrate, most families go for outing on weekends, which gives their children refreshment for the next week. To conclude, it can be said that there is no any harm if children use to play games and watch TV occasionally, but reading book stories will benefit a lot more children than watching television and playing video games.
Reading books is a great source of information. One section of society deems that a book reading is a better option for younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
instead
watching television or computer games.
Possible mistake. Please verify.
I large
extend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are a number benefits of e-book reading.

To commence with, e-book learning is an interesting way to boost cognitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
it is technical resource
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn vocabulary
easily
along with view of image.
Moreover
, e-learning
also
divert mindset of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from smartphones. As these days juvenile crime can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the society, a study has proven that crime among young offender 80%
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of over usage of computers and TV.
Therefore
, technological resource such as e-learning is far better than watching TV or suffering on multimedia.

Moreover
, e-learning not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
helpful for children's mindset,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it can increase healthy competition among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn stories on the regular basis they would
be shared
with their mentor.
Consequently
, teachers can set an example for others in order to encourage all students. It would provide holistic development of children.

On the contrary
, although there are countless advantage of learning stories from e-book, it may
be put
Possible spelling mistake found.
overpressure
on child life. As in this era
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
having already full dry classes, then parents
also
want
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
highest score of their kids.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
in this case
entertainment
is required
to avoid sedentary lifestyle,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need break from their hectic school life. To illustrate, most families go for outing on weekends, which gives their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
refreshment for the
next
week.

To conclude
, it can
be said
that there is
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
any harm if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to play games and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV
occasionally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
reading book stories will benefit a lot more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
than watching television and playing video games.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
To learn a language is to have one more window from which to look at the world.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Teachers should not make their social or political views known to students in the classroom. v. 15

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
301 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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