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Teacher at a high school think that some of their students are bored or uninterested in learning. In your view, which ONE of these actions that teachers can take will be most effective in increasing high school students’ interest in learning? Why? - Usin v.2

Teacher at a high school think that some of their students are bored or uninterested in learning. In your view, which ONE of these actions that teachers can take will be most effective in increasing high school students’ interest in learning? Why? - Usin v. 2
Today there is no shortage of debate that students lose their interest in education, because there are a large number of other activities which are much pleasure than studying. Nowadays, teachers try to increase students` interest in studying using some approaches, such as, applying brand new technology. From my point of view, the best option for solving this problem will be organizing group tasks and I feel this way for some reasons. First of all, all students like surround themselves by friends. It is common knowledge that students do not want to attend their classes because they prefer to spend time with their friends. Moreover, they often neglect their homework because they feel it is boring and tedious. For this reason, it will be a good idea to ask students to perform some assignment with group of friends. I suppose that this new option attracts students` attention on studying because doing tasks will be enjoyable and interesting for them. For example, I used to do all my home assignment by myself. Unfortunately, it seems me quite monotonously to perform it. However, when I decided to do homework with my classmates, all tasks became funny and enjoyable. Secondly, usually there are some people in the class who do not mix up with their classmates. It goes without saying that every class has a person who used to be always alone for some reasons, such as, bullying or withdrawnness. Consequently, this person recently has any friends among classmates. According to this, I consider that if teacher proposes some group assignments, this person will have an opportunity to make some friends and change his withdrawn image. I have an example of my new friend. He always was alone and did not have any people to communicate with. Furthermore, he seemed me a little bit weird because of his lonely. Luckily, group task which was given by my teacher gave me a chance to know his personality better. In addition, now he is one of my best friends. By the way of conclusion, I strongly convinced that more group tasks will produce students` interest in education and also help some student to meet new friends.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
there is no shortage of debate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
lose their interest in education,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
other activities which are much pleasure than studying. Nowadays, teachers try to increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students`
interest in studying using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
approaches, such as, applying brand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
technology. From my point of view, the best option for solving this problem will be organizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
and I feel this way for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
like surround themselves by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. It is common knowledge that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not want to attend their classes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they prefer to spend time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
.
Moreover
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
neglect their homework
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they feel it is boring and tedious.
For this reason
, it will be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to ask
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to perform
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
assignment with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. I suppose that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
option attracts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students`
attention on studying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
will be enjoyable and interesting for them.
For example
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to do all my home assignment by myself. Unfortunately, it seems me quite
monotonously
to perform it.
However
, when I decided to do homework with my classmates, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
became
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
funny
and enjoyable.

Secondly
,
usually
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
who do not mix up with their classmates. It goes without saying that every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
has a person who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be always alone for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons, such as, bullying or
Possible spelling mistake found.
withdrawnness
.
Consequently
, this person recently has any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
among classmates. According to this, I consider that if teacher proposes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
assignments, this person will have an opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
his withdrawn image. I have an example of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
. He
The adverb 'always' usually goes after the verb 'was'.
always was
alone and did not have any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to communicate with.
Furthermore
, he seemed me a
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
weird
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his lonely. Luckily,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
task
which was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by my teacher gave me a chance to know his personality better.
In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
he is one of my best friends.

By the way of conclusion, I
strongly
convinced that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
will produce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students`
interest in education and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Teacher at a high school think that some of their students are bored or uninterested in learning. In your view, which ONE of these actions that teachers can take will be most effective in increasing high school students’ interest in learning? Why? - Usin v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
361 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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