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Teacher at a high school think that some of their students are bored or uninterested in learning. In your view, which ONE of these actions that teachers can take will be most effective in increasing high school students’ interest in learning? Why? - Usin v.1

Teacher at a high school think that some of their students are bored or uninterested in learning. In your view, which ONE of these actions that teachers can take will be most effective in increasing high school students’ interest in learning? Why? - Usin v. 1
Nowadays, sporting activities in schools have become increasingly popular. While some individuals are of the opinion that the inclusion of physical activities in the academic life of children is crucial, others contend that it is not mandatory. This discourse will delve into these two standpoints, and subsequently, explore my own perspective accordingly. Of course the introduction of physical recreational activities is paramount, there is no refutation of this fact. Their motivation might be that being active improves both physical and mental development of these teenagers. Activities such as: volley, football, basket and hockey aid muscular and skeletal modifications, thereby enhancing growth and psychological progress. To illustrate, according to a research carried out by the American Association of Paediatricians in 2017, it was discovered that only 1% of fracture cases, which was the least, was recorded amongst teenagers who are sporty in nature. However, taking a look at it from the flip side, is physical recreation really necessary? Certainly, the justification for this argument is much likely to the fact that there are some contraindications and restrictions regarding being physically active. Although, these games are helpful, they can as well be detrimental to some individuals with certain health conditions. To exemplify, running, jumping and cycling are prohibited among youngsters, who are asthmatic by health professionals as published in the Sun Newspaper in April, 2019. Personally, I consent to the hilt that sports should not be mandatory. This is because, there are important health issues to be considered to avoid negative consequences for these students. In conclusion, having explored both perspectives, I recapitulate that physical games in academic life should not be made obligatory; in other words, it should be voluntary.
Nowadays, sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in schools have become
increasingly
popular. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals are of the opinion that the inclusion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in the academic life of children is crucial, others contend that it is not mandatory. This discourse will delve into these two standpoints, and
subsequently
, explore my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective
accordingly
.

Of course
the introduction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
is paramount, there is no refutation of this fact. Their motivation might be that being active
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
and mental development of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Activities
such as: volley, football, basket and hockey aid muscular and skeletal modifications, thereby enhancing growth and psychological progress. To illustrate, according to
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
carried out by the American Association of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Paediatricians
in 2017, it
was discovered
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
1% of fracture cases, which was the least,
was recorded
amongst
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
who are sporty in nature.

However
, taking a look at it from the flip side, is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
recreation
really
necessary?
Certainly
, the justification for this argument is much likely to the fact that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
contraindications and restrictions regarding being
physically
active. Although, these games are helpful, they can
as well
be detrimental to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals with certain health conditions. To exemplify, running, jumping and cycling
are prohibited
Do not mix variants of the same word ('among' and 'amongst') within a single text.
among
youngsters, who are asthmatic by health professionals as published in the Sun Newspaper in
When specifying a month and year, the comma is unnecessary: "April 2019".
April, 2019
.

Personally
, I consent to the hilt that sports should not be mandatory. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
health issues to
be considered
to avoid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences for these students.

In conclusion
, having explored both perspectives, I recapitulate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
games in academic life should not
be made
obligatory;
in other words
, it should be voluntary.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Teacher at a high school think that some of their students are bored or uninterested in learning. In your view, which ONE of these actions that teachers can take will be most effective in increasing high school students’ interest in learning? Why? - Usin v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
279 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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