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Task2- You can contact your friends and families through letter, e-mail or telephone. Which method of communicating do you think is better and why? Please include specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

Task2- You can contact your friends and families through letter, e-mail or telephone. Which method of communicating do you think is better and why? Please include specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
These days, the rise in consumption of popular items does not measure the real needs of the society, it reflects, on the contrary, the strength of advertising. I completely agree with this statement and in this essay I will explain why. The first reason is that popular consumer goods are not essential for living. Namely, trendy clothes, artificially sweetened drinks and junk food, we can clearly live without them, but ads on television, magazines and websites make us believe that we need them to be happy or successful in life. Publicity is colourful, eye catching and sometimes targeted to teenagers with famous people´s pictures or videos. Maradona, for instance, appears in Pepsi`s publicities and consequently, young kids who worship him, drink that soda. Moreover, there are not ads about the real needs of society such as fresh water, fruits, vegetables and other healthy meals. These goods are not as profitable for companies as industrialized products, therefore, an enormous amount of money is spent on advertising to create a fake necessity for people, making them buy more unnecessary items such as processed food and fast food rather than fresh produce. In conclusion, advertising is needed to make people purchase a particular item, like soda or fast food, therefore, the high sales of these consumer goods do not mirror the real needs of the community, but the impressive power ads have on a person's willingness. The government should control advertisements and create a tool to thoroughly measure society`s needs to answer to them accurately.
These days, the rise in consumption of popular items does not measure the real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
of the society, it reflects,
on the contrary
, the strength of advertising. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and in this essay I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why.

The
first
reason is that popular consumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
are not essential for living.
Namely
, trendy clothes,
artificially
sweetened drinks and junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, we can
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
ads on television, magazines and websites
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us believe that we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
them to be happy or successful in life. Publicity is
Possible spelling mistake. 'colourful' is British English.
colourful
, eye catching and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
targeted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
The character between 'people' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "people’s" (curly apostrophe) or "people's" (straight apostrophe).
people´s
pictures or videos.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Maradona
,
for instance
, appears in
The character between 'Pepsi' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "Pepsi’s" (curly apostrophe) or "Pepsi's" (straight apostrophe).
Pepsi`s
Possible spelling mistake found.
publicities
and
consequently
, young kids who worship him, drink that soda.

Moreover
, there are not ads about the real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
of society such as fresh water, fruits, vegetables and other healthy meals. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
are not as profitable for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
as industrialized products,
therefore
, an enormous amount of money
is spent
on advertising to create a fake necessity for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, making them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
more unnecessary items such as processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
rather
than fresh produce.

In conclusion
, advertising
is needed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
a particular item, like soda or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
therefore
, the high sales of these consumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
do not mirror the real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
of the community,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the impressive power ads have on a person's willingness. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should control advertisements and create a tool to
thoroughly
measure
The character between 'society' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "society’s" (curly apostrophe) or "society's" (straight apostrophe).
society`s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to answer to them
accurately
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Task2- You can contact your friends and families through letter, e-mail or telephone. Which method of communicating do you think is better and why? Please include specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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