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Task2: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment-doing things they like to do-rather than doing things they should do. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.5

Task2: People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment-doing things they like to do-rather than doing things they should do. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 5
In my opinion, living life nowadays is very challenging in many ways. In order to be successful, people these days tend to spend a lot of their time on tasks that are important and are meaningful to them than wasting their time on less important activities. In this essay, I will address several reasons based on school, work, and family situations to support why I disagree with the statement. First, I would like to give out my opinion about school situation. I think that there is more competition in school today that it was in the past. I live in Fremont city, California. I have heart from people I know many times that the competition in getting in to schools in this area is increasing every year. This causes tremendous amount stress on parents and students to prepare themselves to get in good schools. Moreover, high school students in this area study very hard in order to be accepted in top universities in the country. I think that it is harder to get in the top universities today than it was when I was in high school. Students theses days are very serious on studying and do not waste their time playing around. Second, at work, people nowadays work very hard at doing things that they should do. This is because it has been hard to find a job today, especially a job that pay well. In many places, people are spending more hours working than ever at their jobs, because that is what the companies they work for say that they should do. For example, one of my friends works as a programmer, he devoted all his time to work. He have not had holidays for two years, he worked on called twenty-four hours a day everyday for the past two years. He told me that he does not like to work this hard and he prefer to have sometimes to take care of himself. However, he does not have many choices, and he needed to work for his family. For most people, it is important to spend time on doing tasks that they should do. Finally, people in family tend to spend time on doing tasks that they should do to support their family rather than spending time on personal enjoyment. For example, I have studied hard for my California Pharmacist licensing exam, and I could not work for the past two years. Our expenses are relied on only my husband' s income. Even though he does not like to work for a long hours everyday, but he did it in order to support our family. He has not have vacation for years. Many people today spend too much time doing things they needed to do to support their family, and they do not have much time for their enjoyment. In conclusion, because living life these days is harder and more challenging than the past, people tend to spend more time on doing things that they should do such as studying, working hard, and supporting family rather than wasting their time on doing less meaningful activities in order to have a successful life.
In my opinion, living life nowadays is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
challenging in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to be successful,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
these days tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on tasks that are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and are meaningful to them than wasting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
activities.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
this essay, I will address several reasons based on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
situations to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
why I disagree with the statement.

First
, I would like to give out my opinion about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
situation. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there is more competition in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
that it was in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in Fremont city, California.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
have heart from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
I know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
that the competition in getting in to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in this area is increasing every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. This causes tremendous amount
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on parents and students to prepare themselves to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
Moreover
, high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
students in this area study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
in top universities in the country. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is harder to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in the top universities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
than it was when I was in high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Students
Did you mean "these"?
theses
days are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
serious on studying and do not waste their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
playing around.

Second, at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
things that they should do. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
to find a job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
,
especially
a job that pay well. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
places,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are spending more hours working than ever at their jobs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that is
what the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for say that they should do.
For example
, one of my friends works as a programmer, he devoted all his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. He
The pronoun 'He' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "has", "had".
have
not had holidays for two years, he worked on called twenty-four hours a day
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
two years. He
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me that he does not like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
this
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
hard and
he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "prefers", "preferred".
prefer
to have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
to take care of himself.
However
, he does not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
choices, and he needed to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. For most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
tasks that they should do.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
tasks that they should do to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
rather
than spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on personal enjoyment.
For example
, I have studied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
for my California Pharmacist licensing exam, and I could not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
two years. Our expenses
are relied
on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
my
Possible spelling mistake found.
husband&
#039; s income.
Even though
he does not like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for a long
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "hour"?
hours
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he did it in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. He has not
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "had".
have
vacation for years.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
things they needed to do to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, and they do not have much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their enjoyment.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
living life these days is harder and more challenging than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
things that they should do such as studying, working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
, and supporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
rather
than wasting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
less meaningful activities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to have a successful life.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
77Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS essay Task2: People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment-doing things they like to do-rather than doing things they should do. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 5

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
525 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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