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As countries develop more and more people buy and use their own cars Do the advantages for individuals outweigh the disadvantages for the environment v.1

As countries develop more and more people buy and use their own cars Do the advantages for individuals outweigh the disadvantages for the environment v. 1
The growing dominance of transcontinental business units in impoverished nations is a common trend these days. Various notable merits and demerits are associated with this trend, which are elaborated in subsequent paragraphs. It is easy to comprehend why this phenomenon is considered to be advantageous. The preponderant reason is that it not only brings employment, but also improves the economy of the poverty-stricken country. If multinational companies set-up their footsteps in developing countries, these firms definitely recruit personnel who can work over there; consequently, unemployed youth will get a chance to work and the employment rate would drop significantly. Besides, for operating in necessitous realms, these foreign companies have to take license from the government of recipient nation and in return they pay an astronomical proportion of capital in the form of taxes; resultantly, the economy of poor nation fosters. Despite these benefits, there are some surprising disadvantages of transnational firms. The inclination of global companies not only causes the downsizing of domestic market, but also environment distortion. The local merchandise is unable to compete with international organizations because they provide better product in terms of quality, quantity and price. Who wants to purchase a local average quality item when one has the option to avail the international branded product at an affordable price? Moreover, being operated in developing countries, they utilize the natural resources of that particular country. After using natural resources, they throw the garbage in the open which end up with polluting the environment. For example, Ludhiana, a state of Punjab, is known as an industrial hub because an overwhelming majority of the industries are established here, and the environmental devastation is on its peak point. Conclusively, despite the fact, multinational firms are beneficial from employment and economic perspective, it has long-lasting damaging effect on domestic trade and atmosphere.
The growing dominance of transcontinental business units in impoverished nations is a common trend these days. Various notable merits and demerits
are associated
with this trend, which
are elaborated
in subsequent paragraphs.

It is easy to comprehend why this phenomenon
is considered
to be advantageous. The preponderant reason is that it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
brings employment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the economy of the poverty-stricken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. If multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
set-up their footsteps in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, these firms definitely recruit personnel who can work over there;
consequently
, unemployed youth will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to work and the employment rate would drop
significantly
.
Besides
, for operating in necessitous realms, these foreign
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take license from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of recipient nation and in return they pay an astronomical proportion of capital in the form of taxes;
resultantly
, the economy of poor nation fosters.

Despite these benefits, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
surprising disadvantages of transnational firms. The inclination of global
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
causes the downsizing of domestic market,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
environment distortion. The local merchandise is unable to compete with international organizations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they provide better product in terms of quality, quantity and price. Who wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
a local average quality item when one has the option to avail the international branded product at an affordable price?
Moreover
,
being operated
in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, they utilize the natural resources of that particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. After using natural resources, they throw the garbage in the open which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up with polluting the environment.
For example
, Ludhiana, a state of Punjab,
is known
as an industrial hub
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
an overwhelming majority of the industries
are established
here, and the environmental devastation is on its peak point.

Conclusively
, despite the fact, multinational firms are beneficial from employment and economic perspective, it has long-lasting damaging effect on domestic trade and atmosphere.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay As countries develop more and more people buy and use their own cars Do the advantages for individuals outweigh the disadvantages for the environment v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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