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Task 1- Your friend has suddenly received a lot of funding. What do you think is the best way for your friend to spend this money? Please include reasons and details to support your response. v.1

Task 1- Your friend has suddenly received a lot of funding. What do you think is the best way for your friend to spend this money? Please include reasons and details to support your response. v. 1
It is argued that providing more sports centres or health clubs would be the most effective method for improving public health. From my point of view, however, proper health education would be a better measure. On one hand, people’s health has been greatly enhanced thanks to participation in sports facilities. It is an undeniable fact that fitness levels are increased by taking part in physical activities such as doing daily exercise or playing sports. Therefore, the increasing popularity of gym classes or sports clubs gives people more chances to improve their health. After a hard working day, many residents in my neighbourhood attend evening yoga classes in order to keep fit and stay healthy. On the other hand, I would argue that increasing the provision of sports amenities would have little impact on public health. This can be explained by the fact that many people who paid for an annual gym membership failed to go entirely after just one month. Therefore, I think that it is more important to educate citizens about basic health awareness. A person would easily avoid some potential health problems if he is equipped with sufficient basic knowledge about medicine and health care. For example, when a child knows more about the adverse effects of smoking, he might be less likely to take up this bad habit in his adulthood. Public campaigns and health protection programmes, thus, should be promoted so that people know how to protect their health effectively. In conclusion, the growing prevalence of sports facilities has brought a wide range of health benefits for people; yet, I personally believe that raising public awareness through health campaigns would have a more positive impact on improving people’s health.
It
is argued
that providing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
clubs would be the most effective method for improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. From my point of view,
however
, proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
education would be a better measure.

On one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
has been
greatly
enhanced thanks to participation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities. It is an undeniable fact that fitness levels
are increased
by taking part in physical activities such as doing daily exercise or playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
Therefore
, the increasing popularity of gym classes or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
clubs gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more chances to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. After a
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
day,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
residents in my
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
attend evening yoga classes in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
fit and stay healthy.

On the other hand
, I would argue that increasing the provision of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
amenities would have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. This can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
by the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who paid for an annual gym membership failed to go
entirely
after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one month.
Therefore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to educate citizens about basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
awareness. A person would
easily
avoid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems if he
is equipped
with sufficient basic knowledge about medicine and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care.
For example
, when a child knows more about the adverse effects of smoking, he might be less likely to take up this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habit in his adulthood.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Public
campaigns and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
protection
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
,
thus
, should
be promoted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
know how to protect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
effectively
.

In conclusion
, the growing prevalence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities has brought a wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
;
yet
, I
personally
believe that raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
awareness through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
campaigns would have a more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Task 1- Your friend has suddenly received a lot of funding. What do you think is the best way for your friend to spend this money? Please include reasons and details to support your response. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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