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Task1- Which of the following activities would you do with friends rather than alone? A. taking a walk B. watching a movie C. traveling. v.1

Task1- Which of the following activities would you do with friends rather than alone? A. taking a walk B. watching a movie C. traveling. v. 1
In recent days most of the populace has electronic household items such as water heaters, freezers, vacuum cleaners and so on. In my opinion, this trend has more negative aspects because it makes the people to become lazy and it affects their health as well. To begin with, people using the consumer goods will make their work easier, but it reduces their activeness. In other words, when they are using such kind of electronic devices doing their work will soon become obese without doing any physical activity. In addition, this will make them to live a sedentary lifestyle by expecting the electronic items to perform all their tasks. For example, in the western countries, people prefer microwave oven to heat the food and water, instead they can manually do the job using the gas stove. This example proves that it makes the people don't do the simple task of the ancient method. Admittedly, over consumption of the electronic household goods will adversely impact a person's health. That is to say that it will emit hazardous radiation to the human body which might be the cause of the life threatening diseases such as cancer, tumour and so on. For example, people living in cities prefer to prepare the food for a week and refrigerate it because of their busy schedules and when they re-heat the items using oven will harm the food as well as their health. Therefore, it will create more negative effects in the human body which will affect their duration of life in this world. In conclusion, I reiterate that usage of the electronic equipments for household chores not only make the people to be inactive, but also it will affect their health by the emission of harmful radiation from the devices which is a negative development for the human kind.
In recent days most of the populace has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
household items such as water heaters, freezers, vacuum cleaners and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. In my opinion, this trend has more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to become lazy and it affects their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
as well
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
using the consumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their work easier,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
their activeness.
In other words
, when they are using such kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
devices doing their work will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
become obese without doing any physical activity.
In addition
, this will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a sedentary lifestyle by expecting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
items to perform all their tasks.
For example
, in the western countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer microwave oven to heat the food and water,
instead
they can
manually
do the job using the gas stove. This example proves that it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don't do the simple task of the ancient method.

Admittedly
, over consumption of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
household
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
will
adversely
impact a person's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
That is
to say that it will emit hazardous radiation to the human body which might be the cause of the life threatening diseases such as cancer,
Possible spelling mistake. 'tumour' is British English.
tumour
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in cities prefer to prepare the food for a week and refrigerate it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their busy schedules and when they re-heat the items using oven will harm the food
as well
as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Therefore
, it will create more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects in the human body which will affect their duration of life in this world.

In conclusion
, I reiterate that usage of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
equipments for household chores not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be inactive,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it will affect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
by the emission of harmful radiation from the devices which is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development for the human kind.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Task1- Which of the following activities would you do with friends rather than alone? A. taking a walk B. watching a movie C. traveling. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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