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If you had a choice between going to a movie theater to watch a movie or watching that same movie at home on a large television, which would you choose? v.1

If you had a choice between going to a movie theater to watch a movie or watching that same movie at home on a large television, which would you choose? v. 1
We live in a democratic world, it is our right to speak, read and write. Speaking on the general topic is everyone’s choice but do we consider it correct? I considerably agree with this statement, every individual has his rights and limits. Firstly, our government gives us the chance to talk about anything and also pass statements about any general topic. What I mean is, some known faces from different industries give their views about a topic such as politics, health, education. Sometimes their statement’s could be taken very seriously whereas it doesn’t have any basics attached to it. For instance, Twitter, a social networking site is used frequently by actors, politicians, businessmen and the general public and everyone is free to give their opinions. Justifying democratic environment. Secondly, Who is to set limits? Social media has bought us all together in a single platform where transparency plays the vital role, however, this stage allows everyone to portray their thoughts, but no base to justify and many a times they get into ugly fights and troubles without any reason. To take an example, a word war was on between a politician and a cinema actor about the issues of education in the capital of India where the actor posted a statement saying there is no progress in the education industry in New Delhi, whereas, the politician had the actual facts about the progress taking place in that section of the society. So setting limits would be a great gesture for all to stop portraying biased views. In conclusion, democratic independence gives us the right to speak, but what to speak and to what extent is in the hands of an individual. Using it wisely is advised.
We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a democratic world, it is our right to speak, read and write. Speaking on the general topic is everyone’s choice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
do we consider it correct? I
considerably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
statement
, every individual has his rights and limits.

Firstly
, our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
us the chance to talk about anything and
also
pass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
statements
about any general topic. What I mean is,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
known faces from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
industries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
their views about a topic such as politics, health, education.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
statement’s
could
be taken
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
seriously
whereas it doesn’t have any basics attached to it.
For instance
, Twitter, a social networking site is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
frequently
by actors, politicians, businessmen and the
Consider using "public".
general public
and everyone is free to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
their opinions. Justifying democratic environment.

Secondly
, Who is to set limits? Social media has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
us all together in a single platform where transparency plays the vital role,
however
, this stage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
everyone to portray their thoughts,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
no base to justify and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a time" or simply "times"?
a times
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into ugly fights and troubles without any reason. To take an example, a word war was on between a politician and a cinema actor about the issues of education in the capital of India where the actor posted a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
statement
saying there is no progress in the education industry in New Delhi, whereas, the politician had the actual facts about the progress taking place in that section of the society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
setting limits would be a great gesture for all to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
portraying biased views.

In conclusion
, democratic independence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
us the right to speak,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
what to speak and to what extent is in the hands of an individual. Using it
wisely
is advised
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay If you had a choice between going to a movie theater to watch a movie or watching that same movie at home on a large television, which would you choose? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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