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Task 1- Talk about a hobby of yours, and explain why you love it. Please include details in your response. v.1

Task 1- Talk about a hobby of yours, and explain why you love it. Please include details in your response. v. 1
There are different views about the most important goal of a country. While some people think that the economic growth is the main purpose of a country, the others believe that other factors are key markers in this area. In my opinion, although the economy has a significant role, other primary aspects contribute to the success of a country. The economic progress plays as a key role in developing of a country. Firstly, financial growth helps in job creation and prevents unemployment. So, it leads to the welfare of a society. Secondly, economic growth can affect the international relationships. For example, the United States, which has the most powerful economy in the world, can determine world's important decisions. Finally, economic growth has a direct influence on health and well-being of a nation. In fact, it can improve the state of health. However, I would argue that various other forms of progress are just as significant as the economic factors mentioned above. In particular, we should consider the area of social justice, human rights, equality and democracy. For instance, the treatment of minority groups shows the level of development of a society. On the other hand, protecting the natural environment is another serious issue should be seen in measurement to know whether a country move toward environment sustainability. Moreover, health, well-being and happiness of a society are the other yardsticks for measuring of success for a nation. To conclude, economic growth is just one measure of success. Nations that strive to be developed should work on the other areas such as social, environment and health.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
goal of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
is the main purpose of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, the others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors are key markers in this area. In my opinion, although the economy has a significant role,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
primary aspects contribute to the success of a country.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
progress plays as a key role in developing of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Firstly
, financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in job creation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
unemployment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it leads to the welfare of a society.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
can affect the international relationships.
For example
, the United States, which has the most powerful economy in the world, can determine world's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
decisions.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
has a direct influence on health and well-being of a nation. In fact, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the state of health.

However
, I would argue that various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
forms of progress are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as significant as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
factors mentioned above.
In particular
, we should consider the area of social justice, human rights, equality and democracy.
For instance
, the treatment of minority groups
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the level of development of a society. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, protecting the natural environment is another serious issue should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in measurement to know whether a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
toward environment sustainability.
Moreover
, health, well-being and happiness of a society are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
yardsticks for measuring of success for a nation.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one measure of success. Nations that strive to
be developed
should work on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
areas such as social, environment and health.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Task 1- Talk about a hobby of yours, and explain why you love it. Please include details in your response. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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