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Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. v. 2
Recruiters tend to check each candidate personal details, while other business owners might be satisfied with just work experience and skills. Whether they ask for further personal information to align their vacancies with each one personally, or others don’t care about the individual’s interstes, hobbies and marital status and believe in equal opportunities for all candidates. This essay supports privacy and the right not to reveal personal details to emplyers. On the one hand, some recruiters may ask for personally specific details about each applicant like marital status and hobbies. Those employers usually ask to include a separate section in resumes to state a personal facts in order to differentiate between them based on age, interests and whether they married or not. Which help them choose a more suitable nominee for their posted position. For example, most of the recruiters in my country advise people to include personal information in their resumes. However, this essay supports that each business owner or employer shouldn't require personal details from candidates when they apply for new vacancies. On the other hand, recruiters should choose candidates regardless of their personal details and interest to offer equal opportunities for all peoples. Which demonstrates as every individual shouldn’t mention his/her interests and personal details in their resumes because this qualifies to privacy violation, even if they got asked directly by the interviewer for certain details, the candidate should deny to answer. For example, Most of European recruiters give the candidate the freedom to fill in him/her personal details while applying for a new job. Which is more convenient and proposes equal treatment for all people. In conclusion, resumes shapes and requirments usually differ from location to another. However, I support personal privacy and equal opportunities for all people regardless of their interests or hobbies or any other personal details. But either way we cannot force employer not to ask for them in order to better align their vacancies with job seekers.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Recruiters
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
business owners might
be satisfied
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
work experience and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Whether they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ask
for
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
information to align their vacancies with each one
personally
, or others don’t care about the individual’s
Possible spelling mistake found.
interstes
, hobbies and marital status and believe in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
opportunities for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidates
. This essay supports privacy and the right not to reveal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
emplyers
.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recruiters
may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ask
for
personally
specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
about each applicant like marital status and hobbies. Those employers
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ask
to include a separate section in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
resumes
to state a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "fact"?
facts
in order to differentiate between them based on age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
and whether they married or not. Which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them choose a more suitable nominee for their posted position.
For example
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recruiters
in my country advise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
information in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
resumes
.
However
, this essay supports that each business owner or employer shouldn't require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidates
when they apply for new vacancies.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recruiters
should choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidates
regardless of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
to offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
opportunities for all peoples. Which demonstrates as every individual shouldn’t mention his/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
resumes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this qualifies to privacy violation, even if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
asked
directly
by the interviewer for certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidate
should
The verb 'deny' is used with the gerund form: "deny answering".
deny to answer
.
For example
, Most of European
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recruiters
give the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
candidate
the freedom to fill in him/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
while applying for a new job. Which is more convenient and proposes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
treatment for all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
resumes
shapes and
Possible spelling mistake found.
requirments
usually
differ from location to another.
However
, I support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
privacy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
opportunities for all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
regardless of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
or hobbies or any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
either way we cannot force employer not to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ask
for them in order to better align their vacancies with job seekers.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
50Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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