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Task -2Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they have married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both v.1

Task -2Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they have married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. 1
The contentious argument that whether employers can solicit personal information from job seekers in an employment application has sparked a heated debate among many. Some folks believe that sharing personal information while applying a job is beneficial for both organizations and employees whereas some set of people disagree with this view of sharing personal information. In my opinion, I completely agree with the view of seeking personal information from the employees. On one hand, there are benefits to the organization in acquiring information about an employee including his hobbies and marital status. The primary advantage is that the multinational companies can gauge whether an applicant is best or not for the job position. For example, a job that requires lots of travelling around the globe is not good for married people because of their marital commitments. In addition to this, organizations can increase the employee retention rate by enquiring about their interest and hobbies. For instance, the majority of employees in a company like to play some game. By providing a sports pavilion to the workers, companies can hold employees for a long period of time. Thus, providing personal information to the organization is very useful. On the other hand, some people insist that employers should not ask personal information. According to them, the recruiters may use the personal information to discriminate against an employee. To illustrate, the more work burden is given to an employee who is unmarried in contrast to the married one. Furthermore, companies some time loses a potential candidate who has privacy concerns. Therefore, due to all these reasons asking personal information has no value. In conclusion, I assert that the advantages of seeking information by the organization from job candidates  outweighs the  drawbacks as employers can match the job responsibilities with employees personal information and increase the employee retention rate.
The contentious argument that whether employers can solicit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
seekers in an employment application has sparked a heated debate among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
folks believe that sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
while applying a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is beneficial for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
set of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
disagree with this view of sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
. In my opinion, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the view of seeking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
from the employees.

On one hand, there are benefits to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
in acquiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
including his hobbies and marital status. The primary advantage is that the multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
can gauge whether an applicant is best or not for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
position.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that requires lots of travelling around the globe is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for married
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their marital commitments.
In addition
to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
can increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
retention rate by
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquiring' is British English.
enquiring
about their interest and hobbies.
For instance
, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
like to play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
game. By providing a sports pavilion to the workers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
can hold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
for a long period of time.
Thus
, providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
insist that employers should not ask
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
. According to them, the recruiters may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
to discriminate against an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
. To illustrate, the more work burden is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
who
is unmarried
in contrast
to the married one.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time loses a potential candidate who has privacy concerns.
Therefore
, due to all these reasons asking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
has no value.

In conclusion
, I assert that the advantages of seeking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
candidates
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
outweighs the
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
drawbacks as employers can match the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
responsibilities with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
and increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
retention rate.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Task -2Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they have married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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