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Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful, others disagree. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion. v.1

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful, others disagree. v. 1
It is often argued that requiring an applicant to provide additional personal information such as hobbies or marital status is beneficial for the employer; however, many people disagree with this view and claim that this information is useless and holds no value. This essay will elaborate on both points of view and present my opinion. On the one hand, there are grounds to believe that employers need more than just the professional information to better assess their prospective candidates. With increasing emphasis on collaborative work culture and need for every employee to fit into the team dynamics, collecting extracurricular and personal information will help the employer select the right candidates and match them with right opportunities. For instance, several applicants may be deemed fit for a marketing position based on their qualification and work history. Those among them having special interests in traveling and meeting people are certainly more suited for this position and an employer needs to ask about their hobbies to figure this out. Nonetheless, many of those who disagree with this argument doubt the authenticity of such information provided in the job applications. They believe that the job applicants tend to make up some hobbies and interests just to impress the employers. According to a survey conducted by a student group from London School of Economics, only 40% of the respondents of a survey gave genuine answers when asked about their extracurricular interests. In conclusion, while some are still doubtful of the veracity / truthfulness of information provided by candidates for a job position, it is believed that collecting this information greatly helps an employer in better decision making. In my opinion, the advantages far outweigh the disadvantages, and hence, the more information an employer gathers about an applicant, the better the decision making process will be.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that requiring an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applicant
to provide additional personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
such as hobbies or marital status is beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employer
;
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
disagree with this view and claim that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is useless and holds no value. This essay will elaborate on both points of view and present my opinion.

On the one hand, there are grounds to believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
need more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
to better assess their prospective candidates. With increasing emphasis on collaborative work culture and need for every employee to fit into the team dynamics, collecting extracurricular and personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employer
select the right candidates and match them with right opportunities.
For instance
, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applicants
may
be deemed
fit for a marketing position based on their qualification and work history. Those among them having special interests in traveling and meeting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
certainly
more suited for this position and an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employer
needs to ask about their hobbies to figure this out.

Nonetheless,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of those who disagree with this argument doubt the authenticity of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
provided in the job applications. They believe that the job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applicants
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
hobbies and interests
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to impress the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
. According to a survey conducted by a student group from London School of Economics,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
40% of the respondents of a survey gave genuine answers when asked about their extracurricular interests.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are
still
doubtful of the veracity / truthfulness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
provided by candidates for a job position, it
is believed
that collecting this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employer
in better
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
. In my opinion, the advantages far outweigh the disadvantages, and
hence
, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employer
gathers about an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applicant
, the better the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
process will be.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful, others disagree. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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