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Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.37

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. v. 37
It is irrefutable that the extra curricular activities are an important aspects of one's personality. While some people argue that the private information of a candidate for the job is not recommended, others argue that this data is of some significance. I tend to agree with the latter part and in this essay, will support my opinion with examples. First and foremost, the working culture has been transformed in this contemporary world. The employees now participate in certain sports and activities representing their companies. For instance, there is a cricket tournament in India, where top IT companies compete for a trophy. It is a matter of pride, to prove their mark in tournaments like these. As a result, anyone with a background or accomplishment in certain field can be useful for the company. Also, can continue to follow his passion for it. On the other hand, most of the data provided is not of much importance. The form sometime becomes a burden for the employee, as he is already filling information regarding job. For example, a job portal recently released a survey saying, employee look for easy application rather than the one which are long. It is because, they can fill 3 easy application, at the same time. As a consequence, many companies lose skilled employees as their form is lengthy. As a solution, these should not be made mandatory in order to attract most applicants. In conclusion, whereas the personal information does make the application time more than usual. In my view, it is important for employees to update their profiles, as this will help the companies to organize events as per the majority of people. Also, all the data should not mandatory, that would really help everyone.
It is irrefutable that the
This word is normally spelled as one.
extra curricular
activities are an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "aspect"?
aspects
of one's personality. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that the private information of a candidate for the job is not recommended, others argue that this data is of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
significance. I tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter part and in this essay, will support my opinion with examples.

First
and foremost, the working culture has
been transformed
in this contemporary world. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
participate in certain sports and activities representing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
.
For instance
, there is a cricket tournament in India, where top IT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
compete for a trophy. It is a matter of pride, to prove their mark in tournaments like these.
As a result
, anyone with a background or accomplishment in certain field can be useful for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
Also
, can continue to follow his passion for it.

On the other hand
, most of the data provided is not of much importance. The form sometime becomes a burden for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
, as he is already filling information regarding job.
For example
, a job portal recently released a survey saying,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
look for easy application
rather
than the one which are long. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, they can fill 3 easy application, at the same time. As a consequence,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
lose skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
as their form is lengthy. As a solution, these should not
be made
mandatory in order to attract most applicants.

In conclusion
, whereas the personal information does
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the application time more than usual. In my view, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to update their profiles, as this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to organize
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
as per the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Also
, all the data should not mandatory, that would
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
everyone.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. v. 37

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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