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Task 2: Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own v.1

Task 2: Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. 1
People of all age groups from children to adults like to visit museums to see valuable collectables. While many of them charge a small amount as an admission fee, others do not collect any fee from visitors. I think the benefits of such as measure outweigh the drawbacks. A major limitation of keeping the entry charge is that, it limits several people stop visiting the museums. In particular, those from lower income group cannot afford to visit them quite regularly. Moreover, it will also impact tourists who are visiting them locally because, these fees adds up to towards their additional travel expenses. For example, recently the National Museum of Arts started charging high entry fees due to which it experienced a steep decline in the number of visitors visiting them during public holidays and summer season. Although, this practice might benefit them positively it will discourage the visitors. Nevertheless, there are a number of advantages to this approach. One of them is, the income generated with this can be used to improvise the building facilities. The money can be used to repair the existing collectables and infrastructure. Since the government do not fund them, this money will be contributed towards their one of the main sources of revenue. As a result, this practice will significantly helpful to provide and promote better experience to the visitors. To conclude, Even though there are few limitations, such as decline in members turning to see the museums, the potential benefits are greater with such an approach. Therefore, having weighted pros and cons, I am convinced that they should charge an admission fee for the sake of development.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
of all age groups from children to adults like to visit museums to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
valuable collectables. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them charge a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount as an admission
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
, others do not collect any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
from visitors. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the benefits of such as measure outweigh the drawbacks.

A major limitation of keeping the entry charge is that, it limits several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
visiting the museums.

In particular
, those from lower income group cannot afford to visit them quite
regularly
.
Moreover
, it will
also
impact tourists who are visiting them
locally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
up to towards their additional travel expenses.
For example
, recently the National Museum of Arts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
charging high entry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
due to which it experienced a steep decline in the number of visitors visiting them during public holidays and summer season.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, this practice might benefit them
positively
it will discourage the visitors.

Nevertheless
, there are a number of advantages to this approach. One of them is, the income generated with this can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to improvise the building facilities. The money can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to repair the existing collectables and infrastructure. Since the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
do not fund them, this money will
be contributed
towards their one of the main sources of revenue.
As a result
, this practice will
significantly
helpful to provide and promote better experience to the visitors.

To conclude
,
Even though
there are few limitations, such as decline in members turning to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the museums, the potential benefits are greater with such an approach.
Therefore
, having weighted pros and cons, I
am convinced
that they should charge an admission
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
for the sake of development.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Task 2: Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
273 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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