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You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. You should write at least 250 words. v.24

Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. v. 24
It is often believed that participating in sports playing in teams is better than individual sports. Others think that individual sports are more valuable than team sports. In this essay both statements will be considered, however, in my opinion, individual sports like box and karate outweigh, because people, who do this sport may control their result and everything depends on their efforts. Playing in teams develop cooperation, respect and strong friendship. In other words, the team sports promote teamwork. Football, for instance, is a strategic sport game, which makes the team members act as one organism. The team members are like family, because they communicate with each other very tightly and care about their teammates. Nevertheless, each mistake of the team member reflects to the common score, and possibility of losing game is higher. Individual sports are beneficial, in my opinion, because sportsman rely on themselves. Firstly, they might train more whenever they want and get their championship. For example, Gena Golovkin is one of the best boxers in the world according to the American National Sport Association, who win all championships. Secondly, they do not depend on other people. Moreover, they are absolutely independent in their scores. Eventually, all individuals’ efforts will pay off, if they do their best. To conclude, taking part in team sport is much better according to the opinion of some people, because their result is common. Others believe that individuals have more benefits, because they act independently. I think that participating in individual sport is more advantageous.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believed that participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
playing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
is better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. Others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are more valuable than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. In this essay both statements will
be considered
,
however
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
like box and karate outweigh,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, who do this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
may control their result and everything depends on their efforts.

Playing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
develop cooperation, respect and strong friendship. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
promote teamwork. Football,
for instance
, is a strategic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
game, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
members act as one organism. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
members are like family,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they communicate with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
tightly
and care about their teammates.
Nevertheless
, each mistake of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
member reflects to the common score, and possibility of losing game is higher.

Individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are beneficial, in my opinion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
sportsman rely on themselves.
Firstly
, they might train more whenever they want and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their championship.
For example
, Gena
Possible spelling mistake found.
Golovkin
is one of the best boxers in the world according to the American National
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sport
Association, who win all championships.
Secondly
, they do not depend on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Moreover
, they are
absolutely
independent in their scores.
Eventually
, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals’
efforts will pay off, if they do their best.

To conclude
, taking part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is much better according to the opinion of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their result is common. Others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
have more benefits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they act
independently
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is more advantageous.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
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Persian Proverb

IELTS essay Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. v. 24

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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