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Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. v. 2
An increasing number of people are nowadays more preferred to engage in sports, given consideration to the health benefits associated with that. Although it is argued that involving into group games would bring many advantages, opponents believe that playing individual games are far greater. I am of the opinion that team sports are much better than individual level games by considering the considerable amount of benefits. Therefore, this essay will discuss why the team sports is the best. On the one hand, although individual level games contribute the growth of a person, it is too limited. Having said that, this would only help to develop the person’s talent which is related to the particular game. For instance, playing tennis will possibly enhance one’s physical and mental health but this will not play a role to enrich the interpersonal skills of the person. This would be possible only when playing as a team. Thus, team sports have significantly contributed to the overall growth of the person. Team work, communication, and leadership are some of the interpersonal skills that are enriched by playing group games. These skills are necessary for everyone in any situation in their life, specifically in the job market. On the whole, engaging in the group sports has not only helped one’s good health but also it has assisted one’s personality development. In conclusion, while individual games help people in order to be healthy, benefits of group sports are far beyond that, including interpersonal skill enhancement. Therefore, I would suggest that it is better to play a group game as it is linked with enormous benefits.
An increasing number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are nowadays more preferred to engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
consideration to the health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
associated with that. Although it
is argued
that involving into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
would bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages, opponents believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are far greater. I am of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are much better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
by considering the considerable amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
.
Therefore
, this essay will discuss why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is the best.

On the one hand, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
contribute the growth of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
, it is too limited. Having said that, this would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to develop the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
talent which
is related
to the particular game.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
tennis will
possibly
enhance one’s physical and mental health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this will not play a role to enrich the interpersonal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
. This would be possible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
as a team.

Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
have
significantly
contributed to the
overall
growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Team
work, communication, and leadership are
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
interpersonal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
that
are enriched
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are necessary for everyone in any situation in their life,
specifically
in the job market.
On the whole
, engaging in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
has not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
one’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it has assisted one’s personality development.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in order to be healthy,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are far beyond that, including interpersonal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
enhancement.
Therefore
, I would suggest that it is better to play a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
game as it
is linked
with enormous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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