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Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. v. 1
Sports are of two different types. The first being team sports such as football or cricket and the other being individual sports namely tennis or swimming. Although both these varieties promote physical health, they have their own differences catering to the type of the person. Now let's look at the differences in detail. First, let's consider team sports such as football or cricket. These sports inculcate team building exercises and develops one's social skills and team coordination skills in addition to physical well being. So these sports are suitable for people who are extroverts and also promotes this character in people who participate. But these sports need a large number of people to be available to play. So, these sports cannot be a spontaneous activity and would require prior planning and scheduling based on the group's availability, which makes it very hard to make it a daily routine activity. Now on the topic of individual sports such as swimming or tennis, require far less number of people to take part. This suits for people who are introverts and like to keep their circle small. These sports don't require prior scheduling, as it can be played or taken part when oneself is free. These sports also bank on one's ability to routine and develop oneself in the particular sport without external stimuli which is present in team sports. In my opinion, the type of sport doesn't matter. Both these types improve physical and mental health, which is absent among present young generations. So, I would conclude by saying that both these varieties have their own benefits and shortcomings, but both are effective in promoting physical education.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
are of two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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types
. The
first
being
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team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as football or cricket and the other being individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
namely
tennis or swimming. Although both these varieties promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
health, they have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
differences catering to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
of the person.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
's look at the differences in detail.

First
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
's consider
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team
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sports
such as football or cricket. These
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sports
inculcate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
building exercises and develops one's social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
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team
coordination
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in addition
to
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physical
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
.
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So
these
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sports
are suitable for
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people
who are extroverts and
also
promotes this character in
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people
who participate.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
these
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sports
need
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
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people
to be available to play.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, these
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sports
cannot be a spontaneous activity and would require prior planning and scheduling based on the group's availability, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
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hard
to
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make
it a daily routine activity.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
on the topic of individual
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sports
such as swimming or tennis, require far less number of
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people
to
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take part
. This suits for
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people
who are introverts and like to
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keep
their circle
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small
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
don't require prior scheduling, as it can
be played
or taken part when oneself is free. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
also
bank on one's ability to routine and develop oneself in the particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
without external stimuli which is present in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
sports.

In my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
doesn't matter. Both these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
types
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
and mental health, which is absent among present young generations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I would conclude by saying that both these varieties have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefits and shortcomings,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
both are effective in promoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
education.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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