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Both women and men have full time job. It is logical that they should share the housework tasks equally, to what extent you agree or disagree with the statement? v.1

Both women and men have full time job. It is logical that they should share the housework tasks equally, v. 1
With the advent of modern technology, computers and the internet are practically available everywhere, so the trend nowadays is students are learning online and people are doing their jobs from home. This is a positive development for the employees, but detrimental for the students. The increased use of the internet and computers have made multiple online jobs available for people. This is beneficial in many aspects as people do not need to go to the office to work and perform the tasks while at home and at their free time. This is especially useful for students who work part time as in the morning they will go to schools and in the evening they can earn money via online jobs. This has enabled the students to bear their expenses which otherwise they would not be able to afford. So the availability of online jobs has made life very comfortable. Similarly, the students completing education via online courses are also having positive effects on society. This is an economically viable option for the Government as well. Government has to allocate a huge budget for the construction of schools, colleges and universities and pay the teachers as well. While online studying saves such expenses and this money can be spent on health and other essential departments. The students can complete the task which is given to them and submit it online which is way easier than going to school daily. In conclusion, the use of computers and internet for online jobs and studies has proven to be extremely beneficial for the society both in the sense of increased job opportunities and economic stability of the country.
With the advent of modern technology, computers and the internet are
practically
available everywhere,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the trend nowadays is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are doing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
from home. This is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development for the employees,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
detrimental for the students.

The increased
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the internet and computers have made multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
available for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. This is beneficial in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not need to go to the office to work and perform the tasks while at home and at their free time. This is
especially
useful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who work
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
as in the morning they will go to schools and in the evening they can earn money via
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
This
has enabled the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to bear their expenses which
otherwise
they would not be able to afford.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the availability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
has made life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
comfortable.

Similarly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
completing education via
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
courses are
also
having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on society. This is an
economically
viable option for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
as well
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
allocate a huge budget for the construction of schools, colleges and universities and pay the teachers
as well
. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
studying saves such expenses and this money can
be spent
on health and other essential departments. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can complete the task which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to them and submit it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
which is way easier than going to school daily.

In conclusion
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computers and internet for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and studies has proven to be
extremely
beneficial for the society both in the sense of increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities and economic stability of the country.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.
Turkish proverb

IELTS essay Both women and men have full time job. It is logical that they should share the housework tasks equally, v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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