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Task 2 Some people think that children should start school at a very early age but others believe that should not go to school until they are older Discuss both these views and give your opinion v.1

Task 2 Some people think that children should start school at a very early age but others believe that should not go to school until they are older 1
It is undeniable that music does play a tremendous role in every individual's life. However, there are some institutions that eliminate music from the study program while others regard music as a compulsory subject. From my perspective, I am in total agreement with the idea that students should be made to study music at school. On the one hand, some schools began to exclude music from their curriculums to make room for other subjects. They believe that studying music is time - consuming and instead of wasting a moment for singing and dancing, students should use it smartly to acquire knowledge. However, in my opinion, that thought is absolutely inappropriate. The idea of using all learners' time to extend their education without attending any gifted class does not make any sense. It not only brings no benefit, but also cause some unintended consequences such as tension and depression in children. On the second hand, I believe that students should be encouraged to partake in a music lesson as it is a form of healthy entertainment activities. The tune is an excellent way to relieve stress, which is significant for students who may feel overwhelmed by schoolwork and try to balance extracurricular activities. Moreover, music will also teach children to develop time management skills and discipline. Learning to play a musical instrument sounds easy. But when it comes to a compulsory subject, students have to pay attention and learn seriously. Therefore, teenagers will be instructed to become skilled. To conclude, every subject is equally important and music is not an exception. Hence, I suppose that it is obligatory to have music classes at school.
It is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
does play a tremendous role in every individual's life.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
institutions that eliminate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
from the study program while others regard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as a compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
. From my perspective, I am in total agreement with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be made
to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
at school.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
schools began to exclude
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
from their curriculums to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
room for other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. They believe that studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is time
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
consuming and
instead
of wasting a moment for singing and dancing,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it
smartly
to acquire knowledge.
However
, in my opinion, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
is
absolutely
inappropriate. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of using all learners' time to extend their education without attending any gifted
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
any sense. It not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
brings no benefit,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unintended consequences such as tension and depression in children.

On the second hand, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be encouraged
to partake in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
lesson as it is a form of healthy entertainment activities. The tune is an excellent way to relieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, which is significant for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who may feel overwhelmed by schoolwork and try to balance extracurricular activities.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
will
also
teach children to develop time management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and discipline. Learning to play a musical instrument sounds easy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to a compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay attention and learn
seriously
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
will
be instructed
to become skilled.

To conclude
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
is
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is not an exception.
Hence
, I suppose that it is obligatory to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
classes at school.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Task 2 Some people think that children should start school at a very early age but others believe that should not go to school until they are older 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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