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Task 2: Many people are now spending more and more time travelling to work or school, some people believe that this has negative development while others think there are some benefits. Discuss both view and give your opinion. v.1

Task 2: Many people are now spending more and more time travelling to work or school, some people believe that this has negative development while others think there are some benefits. v. 1
While some people contend that using much more time travelling to work or school bringing some drawbacks, others believe that there are benefits to develope many abilities by long way movement. I agree with the view that schedule should be use more effective. On the one hand, there are strong arguments that causing many badly influences on people when they have to move to long distance area as well as suffering by transportation. Firstly, expenditure for accomodation or vehicles in different places could be exceeded compared with budget of average in-come people, for example, high cost of living in big cities, free of transportation. Secondly, it is clear that many serious influence on health and mentality in long time which occur diseases, such as stress or die of exhaustion. On the other hand, there are some who argue that it bring some advantageous development for people. In some countries, people force to choose schools or workplaces in far away from home which have higher education system or well-paid jobs. Furthermore, people realize that they should have experienced in order to obtain a their success or comprehending various cultures in new places. In conclusion, there are good reasons why many people spend much more time to travelling for opportunity of their life, but in my opinion, it is not necessary to gain a success.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
contend that using much more time travelling to work or school bringing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks, others believe that there are benefits to
Possible spelling mistake found.
develope
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
abilities by long way movement. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the view that schedule should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
more effective.

On the one hand, there are strong arguments that causing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
badly
influences on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
when they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to long distance area
as well
as suffering by transportation.
Firstly
, expenditure for
Possible spelling mistake found.
accomodation
or vehicles in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places could
be exceeded
compared with budget of average in-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
for example
, high cost of living in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities, free of transportation.
Secondly
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
serious influence on health and mentality in long time which occur diseases, such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
of exhaustion.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
who argue that it bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantageous development for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
force
Did you mean "choosing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'force' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to choose
schools or workplaces in far away from home which have higher education system or well-paid jobs.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
realize that they should have experienced in order to obtain
A determiner cannot combine with a possessive pronoun. Did you mean simply "their success" or "a success"?
a their success
or comprehending various cultures in new places.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend much more time to travelling for opportunity of their life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my opinion, it is not necessary to gain a success.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Task 2: Many people are now spending more and more time travelling to work or school, some people believe that this has negative development while others think there are some benefits. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
223 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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