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Topic: in university and school, girls tend to choose art, while boys like science. What are the reasons for this trend and do you think this tendency should be changed? v.2

Topic: in university and school, girls tend to choose art, while boys like science. What are the reasons for this trend and do you think this tendency should be changed? v. 2
In education system, female is interested in the work of art while male long to explore the science. This could be illuminated by two aspects related to nature and society and this essay claims that differences in choosing subjects should not be modified to avoid affecting the student’s attitude. The aforementioned situation can be attributable to staple characteristics of individual sex. For example male is apt to have the curiosity to analytical fields, on the other hand, female has tendency to capture attention in subtle beauty. Additionally, crowd psychology also creates the distinction between two sexes. It has been proven that the majority decisions impacts significantly on individual decision-making process, especially students. This is the typical phenomenon that student easily choose the subject in which their same-sex peers attend since they can support mutually without the obstacles stemmed from the gender gaps. As far as the determination which the distinct choices between girl and boy should be changed, it is necessary that students should be entitled to determine what subject is the most suitable for them. Owing to the reason that students will putt all-out their effort to awake the underlying capability while they execute their dream plan, facilitating student to make their own decision will increase productivity as well as contribution to the society. In contrast, in case students are forces to change their mind, there will be a multitude of consequences. Not only imposition disposes of the space for creativity but also it produces the negative attitude toward student at school such as resentment which lead to the rebellion. In conclusion, distinct characteristics and crowd psychology are the causes for the two tendencies toward choosing preferable courses to study at school and universities and students should be entitled to participate in whatever subject they have interest in.
In education system, female
is interested
in the work of art while male long to explore the science. This could
be illuminated
by two aspects related to nature and society and this essay claims that differences in choosing
subjects
should not
be modified
to avoid affecting the
student’s
attitude.

The aforementioned situation can be attributable to staple characteristics of individual sex.
For example
male is apt to have the curiosity to analytical fields,
on the other hand
, female has tendency to capture attention in subtle beauty.
Additionally
, crowd psychology
also
creates the distinction between two sexes. It has
been proven
that the majority decisions impacts
significantly
on individual decision-making process,
especially
students
. This is the typical phenomenon that
student
easily
choose the
subject
in which their same-sex peers attend since they can support
mutually
without the obstacles stemmed from the gender gaps.

As far as the determination which the distinct choices between girl and boy should be
changed
, it is necessary that
students
should
be entitled
to determine what
subject
is the most suitable for them. Owing to the reason that
students
will putt all-out their effort to awake the underlying capability while they execute their dream plan, facilitating
student
to
make
their
own
decision will increase productivity
as well
as contribution to the society.
In contrast
, in case
students
are forces to
change
their mind, there will be a multitude of consequences. Not
only
imposition disposes of the space for creativity
but
also
it produces the
negative
attitude toward
student
at school such as resentment which lead to the rebellion.

In conclusion
, distinct characteristics and crowd psychology are the causes for the two tendencies toward choosing preferable courses to study at school and universities and
students
should
be entitled
to participate in whatever
subject
they have interest in.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Topic: in university and school, girls tend to choose art, while boys like science. What are the reasons for this trend and do you think this tendency should be changed? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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