Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that students who don’t take a break in studies between the high school and the university are at disadvantage compared to students who travel and work after high school before further continuing their education. Do you agree or disagr v.1

Some people think that students who don’t take a break in studies between the high school and the university are at disadvantage compared to students who travel and work after high school before further continuing their education. Do you agree or disagr v. 1
Nowadays many students take some rest and work for some time to get lifelong experiences after their high school. Some people contend this trend is beneficial for pupils, and who are not following it, would face some challenges in future life. I believe that students can continue their education without taking any break, if they are able to take wise and logical decisions for their career. Undoubtedly, scholars who enter into universities with some travelling and work experience could pursue a career in better way. Firstly, they are financially stable and afford their education expenses without putting burden on their parents. Moreover, better understanding of money management would help them to invest and spend money wisely. Secondly, while travelling they get chance to interact with people from various cultures and communities which would eventually guide them to decide the main stream they would like to get in. For instance, my friend who initially wanted to become banker, after serving people at local hospital for six months, changed his mind and turned into social worker. On the other hand, students who lack these experiences and directly initiate their higher education possibly can get some difficulties but they can open enormous avenues to fulfill their wishes, if they are mature enough to take good and intellectually proven decisions for themselves. Furthermore, short breaks in education could distract students from their goals for the sack of earning money and entertainment. Some pupils may not come back to universities to continue their education. In conclusion, although travelling and short breaks could offer many advantages to students but others who are not disturbing their education by following this trend are not lagging behind. In fact, pupils could focus more in curriculum when there is not any distraction and they continue studies efficiently.
Nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
rest and work for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
lifelong experiences after their high school.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
contend this trend is beneficial for pupils, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are not following it, would face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
challenges in future life. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can continue their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
without taking any break, if they are able to take wise and logical decisions for their career.

Undoubtedly
, scholars
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
enter into universities with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
travelling and work experience could pursue a career in better way.
Firstly
, they are
financially
stable and afford their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
expenses without putting burden on their parents.
Moreover
, better understanding of money management would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to invest and spend money
wisely
.
Secondly
, while travelling they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
chance to interact with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from various cultures and communities which would
eventually
guide them to decide the main stream they would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in.
For instance
, my friend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
initially
wanted to become banker, after serving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
at local hospital for six months,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
his mind and turned into social worker.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
lack these experiences and
directly
initiate their higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
possibly
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
difficulties
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can open enormous avenues to fulfill their wishes, if they are mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
intellectually
proven decisions for themselves.
Furthermore
, short breaks in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
could distract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from their goals for the sack of earning money and entertainment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
pupils may not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back to universities to continue their education.

In conclusion
, although travelling and short breaks could offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are not disturbing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
by following this trend are not lagging behind. In fact, pupils could focus more in curriculum when there is not any
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
distraction and
they continue studies
efficiently
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that students who don’t take a break in studies between the high school and the university are at disadvantage compared to students who travel and work after high school before further continuing their education. Do you agree or disagr v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts