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Many people are now spending more and more time travelling to work or school. Some people believe that this is a negative development while others think there are some benefits. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Many people are now spending more and more time travelling to work or school. Some people believe that this is a negative development while others think there are some benefits. v. 1
Over the last few years, numerous changes have been witnessed in the field of commuting. Nowadays, people tend to spend more and more time on travels between their homes and places for work or studies. While it is considered by some that such a tendency might provide citizens with particular benefits, I believe that it negatively affects people’s lives. On the one hand, some people could argue that long travels to work or school might ensure citizens with additional time. In fact, extra time would enable passengers to do their uncompleted tasks. In other words, 30 minutes of additional time on a bus or a train would allow an employee to check their yesterday’s report or would enable to remake their homework. Eventually, people might leave their tasks for hours spent while travelling in the morning, thereby allocating more time for personal purposes in the evenings. On the other hand, I am convinced that commuters would be obliged to wake up early in order to be at work or at school in time. This would constitute a reason for going to bed soon as well, leading to a shortage of the evening time spent on family, entertainment or any other private activities. Consequently, I am certain that instead of enjoying free time during late hours, people would fall asleep soon so as to wake up early to arrive to their destinations in time. Indisputably, it would worsen citizens’ lives. To summarise, although some consider long commuting as an opportunity to finish uncompleted tasks, I am inclined to believe that it will definitely result in a sufficient decrease of time spent on private purposes in the evenings.
Over the last few years, numerous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
have
been witnessed
in the field of commuting. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to spend more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on travels between their homes and places for work or studies. While it
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that such a tendency might provide citizens with particular benefits, I believe that it
negatively
affects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could argue that long travels to work or school might ensure citizens with additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. In fact, extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
would enable passengers to do their uncompleted tasks.
In other words
, 30 minutes of additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on a bus or a train would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
an employee to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
their yesterday’s report or would enable to remake their homework.
Eventually
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their tasks for hours spent while travelling in the morning, thereby allocating more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for personal purposes in the evenings.

On the other hand
, I
am convinced
that commuters would
be obliged
to wake up early in order to be at work or at school in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. This would constitute a reason for going to bed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as well
, leading to a shortage of the evening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent on family, entertainment or any other private activities.
Consequently
, I am certain that
instead
of enjoying free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
during late hours,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would fall asleep
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
wake up early to arrive to their destinations in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Indisputably
, it would worsen citizens’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
consider long commuting as an opportunity to finish uncompleted tasks, I
am inclined
to believe that it will definitely result in a sufficient decrease of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent on private purposes in the evenings.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people are now spending more and more time travelling to work or school. Some people believe that this is a negative development while others think there are some benefits. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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