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Many people are now spending more and more time travelling to work or school, some people believe that this has negative development while others think there are some benefits. Discuss both view and give your opinion v.1

Many people are now spending more and more time travelling to work or school, some people believe that this has negative development while others think there are some benefits. 1
It is true that travelling to work or school is now more time-consuming than before for many people. Despite some benefits of this, I believe that it is a negative trend in the main. Admittedly, there are a number of positive effects of longer time spent on commuting and travelling to school. The first one is that people have better accommodation, more spacious home when they live far from work and school. With the same amount of money, an inner-city apartment is often smaller and provides less access to the nature compared to a house in the suburbs. This increases the quality of life and well-being of those who decide to reside far from city centers. Another advantage is that more people travelling farther to work or school means less traffic congestion in urban areas. In developed countries, such as Japan and Australia, citizens often go to work or school by train because of the distance from their home. As a result of this, the number of private cars on the road decreases, which helps to ease traffic gridlock in city centers. I personally argue that more time spent on travelling is a negative trend. My first reason is that people have to wake up earlier in the morning and head home later at night, and this means that they have less quality time to spend with the family. They may have to start a day at 5AM to catch a train and come home at 9PM, which literally deprives them of time to bond with their spouses and children. Also, more time spent on travelling to work and school may cause fatigue and lower productivity. Employees tend to show up at work and students are likely to attend class without necessary energy and vitality to yield good results and focus on lessons. In conclusion, while there are certain benefits of living far from work and school, I firmly believe that overall the drawbacks are more significant.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
more time-consuming than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits of this, I believe that it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trend in the main.

Admittedly
, there are a number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects of longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent on commuting and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. The
first
one is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have better accommodation, more spacious home when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
far from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. With the same amount of money, an inner-city apartment is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
smaller and provides less access to the nature compared to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
in the suburbs. This increases the quality of life and well-being of those who decide to reside far from city centers. Another advantage is that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
farther to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
means less traffic congestion in urban areas. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
, such as Japan and Australia, citizens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
by train
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the distance from their home.
As a result
of this, the number of private cars on the road decreases, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
traffic gridlock in city centers.

I
personally
argue that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trend. My
first
reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wake up earlier in the morning and head home later at night, and this means that they have less quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend with the family. They may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a day at 5AM to catch a train and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
home at 9PM, which
literally
deprives them of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to bond with their spouses and children.
Also
, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
may cause fatigue and lower productivity. Employees tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
up at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and students are likely to attend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
without necessary energy and vitality to yield
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
results and focus on lessons.

In conclusion
, while there are certain benefits of living far from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, I
firmly
believe that
overall
the drawbacks are more significant.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
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Persian Proverb

IELTS essay Many people are now spending more and more time travelling to work or school, some people believe that this has negative development while others think there are some benefits. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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