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Task 2: Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists but not local people. Why is this the case and what can be done to attract more local people to visit these places? v.1

Task 2: Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists but not local people. Why is this the case and what can be done to attract more local people to visit these places? v. 1
In today’s competitive world, companies are adopted so may strategies for their better profit and that’s why they adopted many advertising in different ways. Apart from that traditionally use now companies use Television, Radio and most of the common way is internet for advertising. I tend to agree that some method of advertising adopted by companies is unethical and unacceptable. In the beginning, we can say that some methods of advertising are influencing the people to buy unnecessary things. The main effect of advertising is on children. Children attract about various things which they see in advertising and they force their parents to buy for themselves. Moreover, companies hire some celebrity for advertising. Because of that, indigenous people attract towards that thing. Some of advertising influence bad habit on society while they waste their money on a bad product. In addition, some advertisings are too unethical like smoking and alcohol advertising. That type of advertising banned in some countries. This type of advertising puts a bad effect on society while people tend to buy these things without think their own health. Furthermore, consuming that unethical product may cause to physical problem. On the other hand, apart from that unacceptable thing there are so many things which are ethical. Some product advertising is necessary for people to know what they are buying. Advertising also describe the quality of things. In my perspective, we have to understand what we are consuming. Because some product is detrimental to ourselves. So in my opinion, we can only know that things because of advertising. Having said that, advertising also creates employment. To sum up, some unethical and unacceptable advertising creates a negative effect on people and kids. In my way, this type of advertising should be banned by the Government.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s competitive world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are adopted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
may strategies for their better profit and that’s why they adopted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advertising in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways. Apart from that
traditionally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
Television, Radio and most of the common way is internet for advertising. I tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
method of advertising adopted by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unethical
and unacceptable.

In the beginning, we can say that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
methods of advertising are influencing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
unnecessary things. The main effect of advertising is on children. Children attract about various things which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
advertising and
they force their parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
for themselves.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
hire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
celebrity for advertising.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of that, indigenous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
attract towards that thing.
Consider using "Some advertising" or "Some of the advertising".
Some of advertising
influence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habit on society while they waste their money on a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
advertisings
are too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unethical
like smoking and alcohol advertising. That type of advertising banned in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries. This type of advertising puts a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effect on society while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
these things without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
health.
Furthermore
, consuming that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unethical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
may cause to physical problem.

On the other hand
, apart from that unacceptable thing there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things which are ethical.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
advertising is necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to know what they are buying. Advertising
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
the quality of things. In my perspective, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
understand what we are consuming.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
is detrimental to ourselves.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
in my opinion, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
know that things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of advertising. Having said that, advertising
also
creates employment.

To sum up,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unethical
and unacceptable advertising creates a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and kids. In my way, this type of advertising should
be banned
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Task 2: Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists but not local people. Why is this the case and what can be done to attract more local people to visit these places? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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