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nowadays museums and historical sites sites are mainly visited by foreign tourists than locals. why is this happening? what can be done to attract locals to visit museums and historical sites more often. v.2

nowadays museums and historical sites sites are mainly visited by foreign tourists than locals. why is this happening? what can be done to attract locals to visit museums and historical sites more often. v. 2
Pleasurable activities are a paramount importance to advance children, educate compared to depend just on reading means. This was according to a scientific research conducted by Harvard University. I am a strong advocate this approach, and the benefits of it will be covered in this essay. To start with, Children inclined according to their instinct to like playing and fun so, subjugate them for reading would be detrimental and will affect their natural capability to express their feelings on account of, reading does not suitable their age. Furthermore, The method will cause adverse effects on their progress it may take the form of tedious from the education. Consequently, if parents compile between reading and enjoyable pursuits, it would encourage children to develop their ability. For example, alphabets and numbers games are amazing to open their appetite for learning prospects. In addition to the previous point, I want to stress that, commence a pleasure activity with children can accelerate their grasp levels, extend imaginations, strength, confidence and plant the desire to open reaction channels with their colleagues so, It will be a prominent part to develop children rudimentary knowledge. For instance, In the USA reading for children is not compulsory whereas, the bulk of concentrate on cultivating their personal talents by observing what their interest and spur them to expand children aptitude. This manner of educate increased the children learning scope and brought tangible results as a paradigm of success in education. In conclusion, merits can be seen when integrate reading and enjoyable activities due to they complement each other, but concentrate on reading only is a wholly futile method.
Pleasurable activities are a paramount importance to advance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, educate compared to depend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
means. This was according to a scientific research conducted by Harvard University. I am a strong advocate this approach, and the benefits of it will
be covered
in this essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
inclined according to their instinct to like playing and fun
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, subjugate them for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
would be detrimental and will affect their natural capability to express their feelings on account of,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
does not suitable their age.
Furthermore
, The method will cause adverse effects on their progress it may take the form of tedious from the education.
Consequently
, if parents compile between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
and enjoyable pursuits, it would encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to develop their ability.
For example
, alphabets and numbers games are amazing to open their appetite for learning prospects.

In addition
to the previous point, I want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
that, commence a pleasure activity with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can accelerate their grasp levels, extend imaginations, strength, confidence and plant the desire to open reaction channels with their colleagues
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, It will be a prominent part to develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
rudimentary knowledge.
For instance
, In the USA
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is not compulsory whereas, the bulk of concentrate on cultivating their personal talents by observing what their interest and spur them to expand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
aptitude. This manner of educate increased the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learning scope and brought tangible results as a paradigm of success in education.

In conclusion
, merits can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
when integrate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
and enjoyable activities due to they complement each other,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
concentrate on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
is a wholly futile method.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay nowadays museums and historical sites sites are mainly visited by foreign tourists than locals. why is this happening? what can be done to attract locals to visit museums and historical sites more often. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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